Cloth diaper tip of the day

Do you have a high efficiency washer? They're great unless you cloth diaper because you need a LOT of water to get those things clean. After trying to mess with the settings and still not being satisfied, I found a great tip from Bummis: Get 1 or two towels soaking wet and put them into your washer with your diapers. It will "trick" your washing machine into thinking there is a heavy load. Voila! More water to get those diapers nice and clean.

Learning from my mistakes: Why I'm grateful for my cesarean

As a follow-up to my post a few weeks ago about coping after a cesarean, I wanted to spend a little bit of time talking about why I'm grateful for it. I'm not going to get into the miracle of cesareans. I do believe they are a blessing for true emergencies and I'm grateful they exist but that's not why I'm grateful. I'm grateful because my cesarean has made me much more determined to have a natural birth. Before I had Hyrum I thought a natural birth was for super hard-core people and I thought that just wasn't me at the time. But, now that I feel dissatisfied with my birth experience I am much more determined for a different experience. I think if I'd had an epidural and everything went smoothly, I would have just walked away and thought everything was hunky dorey and wouldn't have thought twice about it. However, now I'm filled with so much excitement at the thought of proving to myself that my body can do it.

However, this experience has done more than affect my thoughts towards birthing. It has changed other aspects of my life, especially in regards to health. Here are a few ways that working towards a VBAC has changed my life for the better.

Endurance: I know that in order to feel confident in having a natural birth I will need to have confidence in my physical capabilities and stamina. Maybe it's silly, but this has really pushed me to get into better shape and to not simply give up when I'm starting to get tired. The other day when I was on a particularly tough incline while biking I had the thought, "I should just get off and walk my bike up" but then I thought, "silly girl! You need to learn to push through 'til the end. You can make it!" Know what!? I did!

Nutrition: I feel that healthy eating affects our attitude and confidence in ourselves. Sure I still indulge with some Nutella and pretzels from time to time but for the most part, fruits and vegetables have become the staple in our family's diet.

Weight: In order to avoid any preventable pregnancy complications, I want to be at a healthy weight. I've still got some pregnancy pounds to shed and then some. Working towards a VBAC has given me a reason to want to sacrifice those things that are keeping me from a healthy weight.

Education: I think the main reason most women in the US request an epidural is because that is what they are educated about. I think they can be a blessing but I know that, at least for me, I didn't educate myself enough about what was going on in the birth process as well as possible complications, the advantages and disadvantages of medical interventions and how to make informed decisions regarding them. As a result, I succumbed to a lot of the interventions and ended up having a medical birth. That's not what I want next time and I don't want to be so overwhelmed next time that I allow myself to become passive in the process. I'm taking the time now to educate myself because I want to be able to make informed decisions all along the way.

I think one of the most beautiful things in life is the ability to learn from our mistakes. How grateful I am that I don't have to sit idly by and repeat them again. After preparing myself in any way possible, I know that if I somehow do end up in a repeat cesarean, it will not be because I was not informed or because I didn't work to make things different. And no matter what, this experience has changed my attitude toward so many other important areas of my life.

A man of the cloth

Cloth diapering, that is! A little over a month ago we made the switch from disposable diapers to cloth diapers. If there is one thing that you should know about cloth diapering: it's far easier than you would think! I was a little afraid to make the transition but seriously, not a big deal at all.

Why we decided to switch:

Environment. My primary reason for wanting to switch to cloth was the environmental impact. One day while I was taking out a couple bags of diapers to the trash I thought, "seriously! This is HEAVY and it's only a few days worth of diapers!" Current statistics say that disposable diapers for one child contribute 1-2 tons (TONS!!!) of waste to our landfills. Considering the fact that the US is constantly looking for places to dump it's garbage, eliminating my 1-10 tons of garbage (depending on how many children we have) seemed like a no-brainer. Also, a number of people argue about how much water is used in cloth diapering but when considering the amount of water used to produce disposables, the comparison is actually in favor of cloth. Less waste, less water. Overall, the environmental impact is considered equal if the cloth diapers are used for one child (taking production and maintenance into consideration) but since most cloth diapers are used for 1-4 children, again, cloth wins out!

Cost. Though cloth diapers are a bit of an investment at the onset (average $300-500 depending on the type and amount), it pales in comparison with the average $1500 that is spent on disposables. Again, considering that cloth diapers can be reused for multiple children, the cost is astronomically lower!

Health. Babies who wear cloth diapers have fewer diaper rashes than disposable wearers. This is because they are made of cloth rather than plastic (yup, those disposables are actually made of plastic, not paper as they would like you to think) and cloth diapers get changed more frequently. Also, since the materials in disposables have been linked to cancer and even infertility, the health benefits go beyond the immediate diaper rash.

Convenience: Okay, yes, they take a little more time, but guess what! No running to the store on Saturday night to pick up diapers when we realize we're low. Just throw them in the washer and in a few hours, we'll have some more! Also, babies who use cloth diapers often potty train much earlier than those in disposables because they can feel when they are wet. Talk about the most convenient diaper type--the type that don't need to be worn!

So, you thinking of making the switch? If you're anything like me, you probably feel super overwhelmed at the number of options and how many different kinds there are. In reality, most diapers fit into about 4 categories.

Types of Diapers:

All diapers: every diaper out there has two basic components--an absorbent layer and a water-resistant layer that goes over the absorbent layer. Depending on you diaper type, these may be separate or all together.

Traditional flats and pre-folds: Flats are your old-fashioned huge-o piece of cloth that you can fold in a few different ways depending on your baby's size/wiggliness. This type of diaper is great for newborn babies. Most newborns can't fit into other types of diapers and they're really inexpensive so you can stock up on them for the days of 12-15 diaper changes (aren't you glad they outgrow that!?). This type of diaper is closed with pins or a Snappi (much easier!) with a water-resistant layer over top. A pre-fold is basically a traditional diaper but already folded for you. The main type of diaper we use is very similar to a pre-fold but the insert is basically a pre-folded pre-fold. These diapers sound difficult but are much easier than they sound.

Fitted Diapers: These diapers are an absorbent layer that is snapped together (almost like a disposable) with a separate water-resistant cover over top.  They are usually sized (generally, size small and size large) and therefore, you need to buy at least two different sizes of diaper over the life of your baby.

All-in-ones: These diapers are basically a fitted diaper with the water-resistant layer already attached to the diaper. The advantages of this diaper is the ease--super easy to leave your baby with a sitter because they're the most similar to disposables and easy overall because everything is self-contained. No stuffing, no layers, just one diaper and go! These diapers tend to cost a little more than flats, prefolds, or fitted diapers and they take a little longer to dry since everything is together. They also will need to be replaced more frequently because the attached PUL liner (the water-proof layer) breaks down more quickly than the cloth diaper itself  and since they're connected, you'll end up replacing your diapers a little more frequently (they should still last at least 1-2 children).

Pocket diapers: Similar to the all-in-ones except you tuck the absorbent layer into a pocket in the diaper rather than them being built in together. They are an absorbent shell  with an opening or "pocket" (hence the name) to place your absorbent layer. These diapers have the ease advantage of the all-in-ones as you can stuff them before putting them on to the baby but can become more absorbent than all-in-ones because you can use them with just about any insert or use a number of inserts at nighttime. The disadvantage of these diapers again is cost. Like the all-in-ones, the outer layer is attached , the whole diaper needs to be washed after each use and you therefore need more of them.

Many families mix-and-match different kinds of diapers depending on the circumstance, perhaps using all-in-ones when leaving baby with a sitter, a pocket diaper at night, and fitted diapers during the day. We opted for a diaper called a Flip (made by Cotton Babies) because they were very affordable (bought a lot of inserts but not as many outer shells. Outer shells are generally more expensive), very absorbent, and versatile. We also have some fitted (MotherEase Sandy's) and pocket diapers (Apple Cheeks), and prefolds (Bummis) that we use as well. I, personally, wasn't really drawn to the all-in-ones because my baby pees like a racehorse but again, every family and every baby has their own preferences.

Materials:

There are a number of different materials out there but here are the most common.

Absorbent layer: cotton, microfiber, organic cotton, bamboo, hemp. There are advantages and disadvantages to each. Hemp, microfiber and organic cotton are generally more absorbent. However, hemp and microfiber hold on to odors more easily. Bamboo and organic cotton generally don't hold on to bacteria as easily but they're more expensive.

Outer layer: Polyurethane laminate  or wool.

Closures: snaps or velcro. Velcro is generally easier to put on a squirming baby than snaps but, that also means that a baby determined to streak can get them off easier. Also, snaps generally last longer than velcro but since high quality velcro is used, it will usually get through 1-2 babies. The snaps usually outlast the diaper itself.

Well, there you have it! We have loved cloth diapering thus far. Sure, there has been the occasional time where in the middle of the night the kid will poo and I'll think, "a disposable would be so much easier right now" but for the most part, I prefer them over disposables. We've had far fewer leaks, no diaper blow-outs, and they're just so stinkin' cute!

All that baby stuff

Brennan and I were talking today about some of the baby items we bought when we were expecting and which ones were hardly used and which ones we couldn't live without, even though we thought they might be silly at the time.

Use it just about every day:

Moby Wrap

Changing table/dresser

Nursing pillow (when he was younger)

Hardly use it:

Crib

Exersaucer (Hyrum hates it...go figure)

Baby monitor

swaddlers (just used a blanket to swaddle when he was younger)

stroller (used it much more when he was little, hardly use it now)

How about all of you? What baby gear did you find absolutely essential and what became house clutter?

A refreshing view on child development

The other day I got a dinner invitation via email from someone in our ward. We've met them a couple times but nothing substantial. In the email she mentioned that our sons would like to play together because even though Hyrum is 5 months old and her son is 15 months old, her son is "a little delayed."

Maybe this is silly, but I found this so refreshing. No massive explanation and no excuses. I have seen their family in church and by physical appearances, I could tell that their son was having some challenges but boy, do those parents love their kid! And so does just about everyone else in the ward. He seems sweet as can be.

In all of my "my kid needs to be developing properly" concerns, I sat back one day and wondered, "what if he walks a little later than other kids?" or "what if he were to be developmentally challenged?" My thoughts went in two directions, "well, I'll love him of course!" and "well, it would probably be my fault." Silly me should just consider the former.

I think our society of parenting is so ridiculously caught up in having the smartest, the cutest, the most advanced, the brightest, the IT kid. From special toys to early schooling to exposing our fetus to classical music, we're bombarded with ways to further the advancement of our kids. But, with few exceptions, our kids are probably going to turn out the way they're going to turn out.

I mean, sure, we can give them opportunities and there's nothing wrong with sharing our love for classical music with our babies but, come on! Do we need to be so obsessed about it that every toy in the toy store tries to sell itself with a list of developmental milestones it helps kids to achieve? Or "smart baby" DVDs in the hopes that we, too, will have a "Baby Einstein?" And is it really that big of a deal if your baby rolls over a month later than your friend's baby? Or doesn't "sleep through the night" yet (which, P.S., isn't a developmental milestone...we've just made it one)? Basically, the only thing we can do to mess up our kids is to strap them to the ground every moment of the day and refuse to let them move. Sooner or later, when they're ready, they're going to "advance." In the meantime, maybe we should just sit back and revel in this time before they advance far enough to talk back to us and before we have to use a fog horn to wake them up in the morning.

Why I took on "Attachment Parenting"

(I don't know how I'll possibly be able to talk about this in one post. There are so many advantages to attachment parenting that I'll likely make separate posts about many of its principles in the future, but here is a quick run down)

I've had a number of people ask me, "so, what is attachment parenting?" or "Why do you do that?" Attachment parenting was a phrase coined by Dr. William Sears who explains it as a style of parenting that most of us would do if there were no baby books written. I'm not 100% sure about that for everyone, but for me, it's very likely true. In a nutshell, attachment parenting is making choices that help you to know your baby best and therefore be better suited to follow their cues. Some of the common choices of attachment parents are: "on-cue" feeding (breastfeeding whenever possible), co-sleeping, babywearing, child-respectful weaning, and overall just loving your baby. You don't have to do all of those things to be an "attachment parent" (well, minus the loving your baby thing!), but they really help you to know your baby. Of course, individual application advised and necessary. If you're interested in attachment parenting, your best resources is The Baby Book by Dr. William and Martha Sears.

So, why attachment parenting for me? Well, that's a little bit of a journey. My baby Hyrum was brought into this world with an epidural, a bassinet, a stroller, disposable diapers, and I was committed to breastfeeding as long as it worked. I wanted to give birth without an epidural but figured I didn't have it in me. I was pretty sure co-sleeping would wreck a marriage. While I had a Moby Wrap from the beginning and planned on using it extensively, I was turned off by comments I'd read about "sling wearing" parents who were basically destroying their children's lives. And, I was scared about breastfeeding while in school.

Then, little by little, things changed. Breastfeeding felt like the most natural thing in the world. I had intentions of getting my baby "on a schedule" and had even been told by one of my favorite profs that my baby was "manipulating" me to be held more. What a load! At the time though, I was sure she must know more than me. So, I started to worry. I started pulling back from my baby, worrying that he was truly "manipulating" me, and moved him to the crib in the next room.

And then it hit me one day. I was sitting alone with my baby and I had this terrifying thought, "I don't know how to tell when you're hungry or tired anymore! I used to know but now I don't!" I'm not joking--I really did have this thought. One thing I did know for sure, I didn't want to let my baby cry to sleep. I just didn't have the heart for it. One day I was browsing on the internet for baby sleep books and came across one called, "The No-cry Sleep Solution." I thought, now that's my kind of baby book!

I checked it out from the library and in the section about babies under four months of age, she includes some references. Two of which were Attachment Parenting by Katie Allison Garanju and The Baby Book by Dr. William Sears. I checked out The Baby Book from the BYU library and began learning about the principles of attachment parenting. Back up a couple months and the ONLY exposure I had to attachment parenting was from a book called On Becoming Babywise which, in short, isn't a big fan of attachment style parenting. (We should note that while I was reading this book I had two thoughts, "This attachment parenting thing sound awful" and "this attachment parenting thing sound amazing.") I was a little torn. Now what to do...

Well, I did what any sensible person would do. I put it on hold. I was in the middle of trying to finish up my graduate degree and was remarkably insecure as a new mom. I just didn't want to deal with it right then. So I didn't.

About the time that we were moving to Canada, I found myself with a lot more time on my hands. I started reading. Internet sites, child development materials, Dr. Sears's book, and talking with other moms. The main draw for me: Attachment parents were absolutely in love with their children. They had great marriages; healthy, thriving babies; and were remarkably confident in their parenting. Now that's the kind of mom I wanted to be! I was tired of worrying if I was doing things right. I was tired of worrying that my baby wasn't like all of the babies I had read in other books. I was tired of not believing that I knew what was best for my baby.

After some visits with our pediatrician, I was filled with confidence that our cue-fed baby was developing beautifully and was in excellent physical condition (isn't it great that rolly polly is great condition?) so I figured, "why not give this a shot?!"

During the move, I consistently co-slept with Hyrum because I figured it was best with all of the different living spaces to always have one constant--me! When we moved into our apartment in Calgary, we tried to put him in the crib and he just wouldn't take it. Brennan and I had some discussions about what we thought was best and we decided the following things were important to us: couple time, quality sleep, and not crying it out. So we concocted our own way of doing things--musical beds. Hyrum sleeps in his crib for the first part of the night and we bring him to bed with us after the first night feeding. It's been a glorious way for us to have the best of all worlds. Nothing is sweeter to me than seeing my husband cuddle with our baby in the morning when we wake up. Tellin' ya girls,a man is never so attractive as when he is being so wonderful and gentle with a baby.

Next up was babywearing. This one mostly came out of convenience. We have etched concrete floors in the main part of our new apartment. Even by putting a blanket down on them, they're awfully hard. I don't really like putting Hyrum down on them and if I need to do something in the kitchen, I don't like leaving him at the other end of the house by himself. The Moby Wrap became my best friend. Also, since we live in a basement apartment, I absolutely hate dragging that stroller up our narrow stairs. I do from time to time but if I don't have to, then I figure why do it?

On-cue breastfeeding was something we were already doing. I tried scheduling Hyrum when he was a new baby and it just didn't feel right so I stopped. So, not much change there.

As far as weaning goes, we're just not there yet. I thought about introducing solids at 4 months but after doing some research, we decided to wait until at least 6 months. Hyrum does show interest in solids but he basically shows interest in just about anything that could (or couldn't) go in his mouth so I figured that wasn't a good enough of a reason and by feeding on-cue, his body doesn't need solids to stay full.

There are the individual choices but added up, the main reason I "do" attachment parenting is because I feel so much more confident in my parenting. I feel like I know my baby so well and know how to make choices that are good for him and for me. Though I thought this way of parenting would feel too "baby centered" (which is definitely what it sounds like), I actually have such a wonderful relationship with Hyrum now that I feel privileged to spend this kind of time on him. In fact, applying the principles of attachment parenting has really helped with my postpartum depression. I feel much more confident and "whole."

Now here's the big question: Am I spoiling him? I don't think so. For one, across the board, child development specialists agree that you can't spoil a child in the first year of life. Needs and wants are the same thing and that by helping them to meet their needs now, they will be more independent as they grow. Also, I really like a quote from Dr. Sear's book that basically says that spoiling is something we do when we leave food on a shelf to rot. I think the only way I could spoil him is if I replace what he really needs (loving parents, human interactions, touch, etc.) with things. By spending time on him rather than relying on a ton of toys to entertain him, I feel that I'm teaching him what really matters in this world--people, relationships, and his family. And that's why I'm an attachment parent.

Held too much

Is that even possible? I recently came across a statistic that babies within the United States are only in physical contact with another human being 25% of the time. This includes hugging, cuddling, holding, breastfeeding, and any other form of physical contact. 25% seemed awfully low to me. Looking at how much I hold Hyrum, it seems as if most of his day is spent in my arms, in a sling-type wrap, or sitting in my lap while I hold him. In fact, I almost feel like it's the odd time when I put him in an exersaucer to take a shower or in the bouncer while I make supper. I know I definitely hold him more than the average mom but again, that seemed super low.

That is, until I went for a walk today. It was such a beautiful day. Hyrum was getting a little sleepy, I wanted some exercise, and I had a book I wanted to finish reading. So, I put on my Moby Wrap, grabbed my book, and we headed out for a walk. As expected, Hyrum nodded right off and I got some great "me" time as I read and walked around the neighborhood. I reveled in the fact that I could have the best of all worlds--exercise, reading time, and close physical contact with my baby.

As I walked I encountered a number of people and received a number of comments. The first was from a three year old girl who questionably exclaimed from inside a car, "What are you doing!?" I actually wasn't sure she was talking to me until I heard her mother say, "She's holding her baby!" Nothing profound, just cute.

A little bit up the road I ran into an elderly woman out for a walk. She exclaimed, "Wow! How's that for multitasking! That is wonderful." As we passed one another I thought of how she must fondly look back on her mothering years. Nothing like a grandma to know how fast the years of babyhood fly and how precious they are.

Next up was a mom who seemed to be reluctantly pulling her two little girls in a wagon. One of them was definitely small enough that she could have been easily carried. Her comment to me as she passed me was, "those things get too hot, don't they." I casually agreed that it was a little warm but thought to myself, "I feel great! Who wouldn't want to be holding their baby when they could, even if they were a little warm?"

Later that afternoon my neighbor invited me to go for a walk with her and a lady from her church. It was the same lady who came with us to the jewelry party. I thought for a second as to whether I should take the Moby Wrap or the stroller. I chose the wrap. I mean, it's what I preferred and it's what my baby definitely prefers, so why not? My only concern was that I would get comments from the other mom about transporting my baby in a sling. That seemed like a silly reason to make a decision. Sure enough, we got around the corner and she proceeded to tell me how much her daughter hated it the one time she wore her in a sling. I agreed that the first few times were a little tricky but with practice on my end, Hyrum came to love the thing. I mean, seriously LOVE it.

As we kept walking, my neighbor's baby started to fuss. You could tell the poor little kiddo had had enough of that stroller and just wanted out. After trying to calm him in the stroller, my neighbor simply picked him up and he stopped crying. My neighbor sure didn't seem to mind and her baby was much happier. The other mom casually commented on how babies will do that--fuss until you pick them up, carry them or do "some other thing like that you're not supposed to do."

My jaw seriously almost hit the ground. Really??? Not supposed to pick up your baby? Who decided that was the rule? Especially when the poor little kiddo can't really go anywhere on their own, can't see anything but their immediate surroundings without your help, and most of all, want your loving touch. How is giving your baby better mental and physical stimulation and most importantly, loving touch, something you're not "supposed" to do?

I was obviously mistaken. Maybe 25% of the time really isn't a low estimate.