Book Review Attachment Parenting: Instinctive Care for Your Baby and Young Child

I'm on a quest to finish all of these book reviews, so please bear with me. This book was one that I read a while ago, about six months ago. Katie Allison Granju has done a marvelous job of compiling research for her book about attachment parenting. This was another "appeal to the nerd" book because, again, tons of quotes from doctors, parents, anthropologists, child development specialists, psychologists, etc.

This is definitely a book I would recommend to those who already are considering an "attachment parenting" lifestyle for them and their families rather than those who are being introduced to it for the first time (I'd recommend Dr. Sears's The Baby Book in those cases), mostly because of the passionate way she talks about attachment parenting (i.e. calling a crib a "baby cage" and carrying babies around in "baby buckets" such as car seats, swings, etc.). It would probably be a little much for an attachment parenting investigator. However, she does cover some parenting decision that aren't covered very thoroughly in The Baby Book including choices about circumcision, cloth diapering, how to choose a childcare provider or pediatrician, and extended breastfeeding.  They're touched on in The Baby Book, but Granju goes into quite a bit of detail about these decisions.

If I was to have every mother read one chapter of this book, it would be the section on breastfeeding. She dispels myths about milk production (i.e. breasts need to "build up" milk so that baby has enough to eat, schedule feeding vs. cue feeding, and pumping as a way to increase milk production) and unloads a plethora of research about the benefits of breastfeeding. However, she also acknowledges that in a small percentage of cases, some women are physically unable to breastfeed, usually due to a medical problem (loss of too much blood during child birth, a hormonal imbalance, extreme stress, etc) and in these cases gives suggestion on how to "nurse" your bottle fed baby. I really liked how she addressed that breastfeeding is much more than the milk, it's a relationship, and that no matter what, a parent can have that relationship with their child.

A second "recommended chapter" would be the chapter on baby carriers. Again, there are a lot more types now than there were when this book was published, but she goes into the pros and cons of the basic carrier types (sling, front carrier, back carrier) and how to choose a baby carrier that is best suited for your needs.

Though she is quite zealous, she is very thorough and well thought-out. For example, I was on the fence about circumcising future sons, but Granju's section on circumcision (how it's unnecessary, the benefits of an intact penis, pain experienced during and after circumcision, etc.) certainly influenced me. Also, she includes literally hundreds of resources for parents including support groups, carrier types and manufacturers, breastfeeding help, and further reading. Since her book was published in 1999, I would love it if she revised and updated this book to include a "best of" list of resources since, obviously, the advent of the internet has significantly increased a parent's resources.

So, if you're curious about attachment parenting, opt for The Baby Book or Dr. Sears's The Attachment Parenting Book (it's more or less the "getting attached" section of The Baby Book with some added information). If you're pretty sure attachment parenting is the route for you and you want some added information about the benefits thereof, check out Attachment Parenting: Instinctive Care for Your Baby and Young Child by Katie Allison Granju.

Spoiled is what happens to milk

It always makes me sad to hear someone say that I'm spoiling my child by holding him too much, by rocking him at night, by letting him sleep beside me, or by staying home with him. It makes me sad because spoiled is such a rotten word. It means that you have failed, it means that the product is of no use, that it's bad, that it's a waste.  Like that spoiled milk in the refrigerator--it's disgusting and unappealing.

But I don't believe it.  You see, spoiled is what happens to something that has been left alone too long. Something that did not serve its purpose. Something that has been forgotten. Something you didn't care about enough to focus your attention on it.  Something that will never be what it could have become.

And the same is with "spoiled" children.  When we began our journey as parents, I wondered if our high-touch style of parenting would spoil him. And then I thought, "what do I think of when I think of a spoiled child?"  I think of children who have everything they want-- every toy they asked for, never have to help around the home, and can do whatever they please without considering the consequences of those choices.  But I don't think those things are love.  I've never known a child to be spoiled with hugs, kisses, closeness, contact, holding, or cuddles.  In fact, when it comes to what we think of as "spoiling," it's in large part things.  Things that have been used in place of love, time, and attention.

And so, if love be spoils, then I give them. But surely my child will not be forgotten. He will not be tossed aside.  He will not be made useless.  I'm on a personal mission as part of my "have a plan," to spend more time loving, comforting, cuddling, holding, kissing, and being with my child. Maybe, one step at a time, I can help him see that things are not the answer--love and people are.

Book Review Three in a Bed: The Benefits of Sleeping with Your Baby

I read this book a few months ago and didn't get around to reviewing it because of my silly space bar dilemma. So, here goes.

I really enjoyed reading Three in a Bed. It definitely appealed to the nerd within me as it had literally hundreds of quotes from cultural anthropologists, psychologists, medical doctors, professors, historical treatises on parenting, and the #1 experts--real parents.  There was a quote on almost every single page pointing to the benefits of sleeping with your baby, babywearing, forgoing cry-it-out sleep training, breastfeeding, etc.  It is written by Deborah Jackson, British mother of three, all of whom co-slept with her and her husband.

Jackson held traditional views about where a baby should sleep--in his crib, in his own room--until reading The Continuum Concept: In Search of Happiness Lost by Jean Liedorff.  In a section of Liedorff's book, she speaks of her experience one night sleeping in the jungle among the natives of South America.  At one point, all of the sleepers were awakened, one told a joke, they all laughed, and then went immediately back to sleep.  There were no sleep troubles and every person was able to be roused, awakened, and fall back asleep without any problems whatsoever.  In her study of this same group of natives, she found that within their culture, families slept together rather than separately, as is the custom in most of Western society.  She concluded that a lot of our sleep problems in the West--from insomnia to general tiredness--have been created by our "laboratory style" sleep conditions including lights out, comfortable bed, quietness, and undisturbed sleep. As such, these laboratory sleep conditions may, in fact, be creating sleep problems rather than preventing them.  And so, Jackson decided in the final weeks of pregnancy with her first child, to get rid of their assembled crib and bring Baby to bed with her and her husband.

Throughout the book, Jackson addresses a myriad of issues that face the co-sleeping family including the typical concerns about SIDS, overlaying, and general safety.  She also addresses practical matters such as sexual intimacy between husband and wife (which, was one part of the book that I didn't really catch her fire.  She basically subscribes to the thought that it's not that big of a deal if Baby is there, awake or asleep, and that it may even be healthy for babies and very young children to be privy to sexual exchanges between parents.  Not really my cup of tea, personally but whatever floats your boat); how to wean from the family bed when desired; as well as the emotional, health, sociological, and psychological benefits to co-sleeping.

My personal favorite section was her chapter entitled "Nomads and Nannies" where she examines parenting practices across many cultures.  She dispels the belief that all "uncivilized" and non-Western cultures are high-touch, co-sleeping, and nurturing.  Instead, she gives example after example of gentle parenting practices in some cultures, and how they, in turn, produce a culture characterized as gentle, meek, and kind.  In contrast, she gives mention to aggressive cultures that are highly disciplined, leave young babies to cry excessively (at one point, she talks about a culture that swaddles their babies and put them in a hanging basket on the wall except for when they are permitted to eat or to be changed), and who do not nurture and hold their babies.  Jackson suggests that perhaps our aggressive Western culture spawns from low-touch, overly disciplined parenting practices.  I think that's a little simplistic, but definitely some food for thought.

I would certainly recommend this book to anyone who has considered co-sleeping in their family.  I do wish she had included a little more information about how to handle a few of the issues we're currently facing in our co-sleeping situation--i.e. Mr. Baby Bed Hog and how to prevent my arms from falling asleep when they're trying to avoid Mr. Baby Bed Hog.  Again, I didn't agree or buy everything she had to say but overall, I found it to be very informative, enlightening, and thought-provoking book.

Happy Reading!

Breaking the mould of the label

I'm sure a lot of you have seen a lot of the I'm a Mormon videos on YouTube and mormon.org.  I think what I like the most about the videos (and what is surely the purpose behind the campaign), is that they show that there is no one way to be a Mormon.  Outside of basic doctrines, Mormons are about as different from one another as can be, and that's okay.  Or at least it should be.

It's no secret that I've built my Mom-denity around the philosophies of attachment parenting.  For the most part, I've gladly embraced the label.  But sometimes I find myself feeling a little anxious.   "Am I holding my baby enough?", "Is our breastfeeding relationship successful enough?", "Should I really enjoy night feedings more than a good night's sleep?", and other questions.

As I've been thinking more and more about my challenge to "take the easy way out," I realize that I've lost track of what my parenting philosophies really are.  I would say that I definitely still fit the bill of the "attachment parenting mama" but from time to time I seem to lose focus as to what attachment parenting is really all about--making choices that bring you closer to your children so you will know how to be the best parent possible for your individual child(ren).  

I love babywearing and bedsharing, breastfeeding and bonding.  But maybe it's okay for me to say, "okay, bedsharing was great! Now it's not working for us any more."  Or, "babywearing is fantastic but right now, I'd prefer we go for a walk with the stroller rather than the carrier," or whatnot.

Whether you're an AP mama or whatever, it's good to remember that we can be who we are, strive to become better and better, and don't have to fit some pre-defined label as to what that should be.  Maybe that's just "taking the easy way out," but I'm okay with that.

Quote of the day: A Mother's Love

In her book Rights of Infants, author Margaret Ribble in 1943 described infant marasmus (an infant wasting disease) and the seemingly peculiar difference in outcome between better-class Edwardian infants and those born in poverty-stricken slums. Per her account, half of the babies in Britain at the time suffered from the disease.

"...babies in the best homes and hospitals, given the most careful attention, often drifted into this condition of slow dying, while infants in the poorest homes, with a good mother, often overcame the handicaps of poverty and unhygienic surroundings and became bouncing babies. It was found that the element lacking in the sterilized lives of the former class...was mother love."

(Rights of Infants)

Bed sharing and emotional security

Remember taking naps with your fiancé on the couch in the middle of the day and how wonderful and sweet it felt? I wonder what it is about sleeping next to someone that makes you feel so close to them. Maybe it's the vulnerability? Or the close physical contact? I'm not 100% sure but whatever it is, it feels wonderful. I've wondered if this isn't the reason the bed has become the symbol of sexuality. The vulnerability brought about by the place where people sleep coincides with the vulnerability inherent in sexual intimacy. Certainly sex doesn't have to occur in a bed (as many a co-sleeping family will testify).

Last night I was thinking about how much I love Hyrum sleeping in our bed. I know it isn't for everyone but I absolutely adore it. Those who oppose co-sleeping often argue that the baby needs to learn to sleep alone. As I was sitting in bed last in the final moments before drifting off to sleep I thought of my early days of marriage when I, too, couldn't fall asleep without my bedfellow. I won't make this a huge post about the progression of my marriage but Brennan and I just have different ways of handling stress. Mine is to talk about it and cuddle up at night and forget about it for now. Brennan likes to think things through, spend some time by himself, and at night that will translate to him going out to the couch to think, read, or whatever. Well, you can see how this would present a little bit of a conflict if the stress happens at bedtime or in the middle of the night. Brennan would simply want some alone time but I wanted cuddles! And guess what!? Immature as this sounds, I would seriously get worried if I woke up in the middle of the night and he was gone.

Quick story: Once upon a time Brennan planned this cute, romantic getaway for us after final's week. Because it was a surprise, he needed to pack the car and run to the store without my knowing. So, he decided to do it at 2am thinking I would sleep through the whole thing and he wouldn't have to explain himself. Well, I woke up and Brennan wasn't there! I tried calling his cellphone but no answer. I ran outside in the December cold and no car. In my 2:30am delirium, I called my mom. I was convinced Brennan had either 1) left me or 2) had been kidnapped (our minds in the middle of the night...sheesh!) Mom calmed me down and advised that I try to go back to sleep. Thankfully Brennan walked through the door as I was getting off the phone with her, took me in his arms and explained that he just couldn't sleep and decided to go out for a few minutes. I was so stinkin' mad at him for making me worry but boy did my anger dissipate the next day when we arrived at our cute little retreat.

Over the next year or so, I still had a hard time sleeping without Brennan in bed with me. If I found him asleep on the couch after watching a movie I would wake him up, nearly in tears, and ask him why he was on the couch. He would kindly come back to bed with me because he could see that it was something I needed right then.

Now we've been married for a few years and though I still prefer to have Brennan in bed with me, it's not a big deal if one or the other of us stays up later than the other or if he decides at 2am to make himself a glass of herbal tea because he can't sleep. There was no "coming of age" day when he simply said, "you've gotta learn to do this on your own!" It was just a natural process of time and security in our relationship.

I think the same goes for our littlest people. All of the worry about them never moving out of our beds is silly. I know Hyrum will move out when he's ready, when his security in himself and in Mommy and Daddy is strong enough that he knows we'll always be there for him when he needs us. We've just chosen not to rush that move. In the meantime, we love the snuggles and we love the closeness it affords.

We're in this together

I've always been amazed at how people of the same career, the same family, or the same community can be so incredibly different from one another. Perhaps the most shocking to me is the differences between people of the same faith. On the parenting book front, Ezzo and Sears are both Christian evangelical authors and yet you probably couldn't find two parenting philosophies farther from one another.

Just as an unrelated tidbit, did you know that there are more genetic differences between people of the same race than there are distinguishing characteristics between differentraces? And yet we posit black and white as dyads when really, when the genetic codes are all lined up, a little white girl in Missouri may share a stronger genetic resemblance to a little girl in Indonesia than she does to her white next-door neighbor. Maybe biology is telling us something--we're all much more the same--and much more different--than we think.

Before I get into a lecture about the performativity of race or gender, I return to this issue of parenting philosophies. It's no secret that I adamantly oppose the Babywise program. Sometimes even I wonder why in the world it bothers me so much that I keep writing about it, but there's just something about it that feels wrong to me. And yet it intrigues me. I wonder why anyone, especially a loving parent, would choose to follow its advice. And yet it has a loyal following, even amongst some of my closest friends. One of the most notable Babywisers, Valerie Plowman, shares the same faith as me. How is that? How is it that two women of the same religion, (I presume she also has deep and abiding faith) could have such different philosophies? How is it that in chatting with other young moms in my ward some plan to breastfeed to three and co-sleep until their kids move out of the family bed on their own, and others cry-it-out and think the family bed is the worst thing you could ever do for your child? How is it that Ezzo claims his program is "God's way of raising children" while Sears pushes just as strongly that a Christian parent is an attached parent?

I don't know if there is a straight answer to that question. If you've got one, I'd love to know. But this much I do know, after further thought, both people are right--at least for them and their family. If I were to schedule feed and cry-it-out as a newborn I really would be a bad mom because it's not me. I believe so strongly in touch, family togetherness, choices, comfort, and teaching by example. To me that translates as babywearing, bedsharing, baby-led feeding, cuddles during crying, and showing rather than yelling or spanking. I also spent far too much time questioning claims and cross-referencing resources in graduate school papers to feel comfortable following parenting advice that doesn't have any independently cited scientific or psychological benefits. Simply claiming, "this is God's way" doesn't really cut it for me. But I know for others things are different. I can respect that for someone else, the same things that work for me and my family would also make them a "bad mom." Of course I think I'm right (I mean, don't we all?) but I can respect it.

But, this is something I legitimately struggle with. I don't really understand it. Maybe some of you have some insight? In the meantime, as one fellow mom pats me on the back and tells me I'm doing a great job and another gives me the stink-eye, I just have to remind myself that we really are all in this together. We truly do want what's right and until someone can show me in the scriptures, "Ferber is right" or "Babywearing is wrong," I guess I'll just go about doing the best I can.

10 reasons I love babywearing

From my previous posts, it should come as no surprise that I love babywearing. But considering how few people babywear and how many strollers and tired arms I see in my daily comings-and-goings, I thought I'd share a few things that I absolutely love about it.

1) Weight loss: I don't know about other mamas, but I've had a beast of a time trying to shed the pregnancy pounds (and more!) but after beginning consistent babywearing, I've noticed that the pounds are dropping much easier. Makes sense--carrying around an extra 15-20 pounds is burning more calories and helping me to shed those pounds! I'm also less likely to grab that cookie when I know my little tyke is watching me do it.

2) muscle strengthening: Wearing your baby in an ergonomically correct way shouldn't hurt but it definitely gets those core muscles toned. Through consistent babywearing I've noticed considerably more strength in my lower back and abs--and I didn't even have to do any crunches.

3) physical contact with baby: Beyond being pleasant, frequent physical contact with your baby is very healthy for both mom and baby. When babies, especially premature babies, are born, their heart rhythms are not regulated. When they are worn tummy-to-tummy with a parent their heart rhythms align and are brought into regularity. Babywearing, especially skin-to-skin, is also linked with greater ease in breastfeeding and better weight gain for baby. For both parent and baby, communication through body and "social" cues are recognized more frequently and responded to more quickly through babywearing. Babywearing parents and babies are better attuned to one another.

4) quieting crying: this is very much linked to the above point. Because babywearing babies are in close proximity to the mother and because their cues are more easily read, they cry less frequently. Also, the rhythmic movement brought about through walking and the natural rocking of the body help to create a comforting, womb-like environment for baby.

5) comfort vs. stroller: Though some people complain that babywearing is uncomfortable, this is usually caused by a poor quality baby carrier and/or incorrect positioning. When a baby is worn correctly it is remarkably comfortable. For me in particular, I have a bit of tendonitis and carpal tunnel and pushing a stroller really aggravates it because of the closed hand positioning. Wearing my baby when we go for walks is considerably more comfortable than taking the stroller.

6) ease vs. stroller: Using a babycarrier or sling is SOOOOO much easier than pulling that darn stroller out. For one, we live in a basement which means I have to lug it up the stairs and set it up every time I want to use it. Also, since we're without a car right now, we use public transportation frequently. Every time I see someone struggling to maneuver a stroller on and off the bus I wish I could just hand them a carrier and preach the gospel of babywearing-ease. (I seriously almost did once when I saw three strollers on the bus. Thankfully there were no handicapped or elderly persons trying to get on the bus because even the most limber had a ridiculously hard time trying to get past all three of them).

7) getting things done: babywearing means that I'm able to get just about anything done around the house with baby riding happily along. Before babywearing it seemed like it took hours to try to get everything done as I set the baby down to play, took care of one task, came back and checked on him, ran and did another task quickly, came back and held him because he was crying, waited until the nap to get more done, etc. Not only am I able to get more done but it means that nap time is now "me" time because I don't have to clean during that time and I'm able to have more time to actually get on the floor and play, read a book, rock, sing, etc with my baby. In addition to more time, I also really like how my baby is with me as I take care of our home. I like to think that as he grows he will be more exposed to what it takes to keep a home clean and tidy. So many people complain that their children don't want to help out and I think a lot if it is because they don't feel needed and/or don't know what it entails because Mom always did the chores while they were napping. Bringing baby along exposes him to chores and tasks at a young age which means he'll be more likely to help out as he gets older.

8) verbal, social, and physical development: Babyworn babies are at eye and mouth level with adults and therefore receive much more verbal and social stimulation than a baby who is at knee-level in a stroller. These babies also develop their neck and trunk muscles more quickly because they exercise the same muscles in a sling or carrier that are used in "tummy time." Babyworn babies tend to hold their head up, roll, and sit earlier than non-worn babies.

9) safety in the city: this one is from none other than this paranoid mommy. When we're in the city or at the mall I like the security of knowing that my baby is on me where he is safe rather than in a stroller where he is more vulnerable to people touching him or even taking him (remember, paranoid mommy here!). Ain't no one gonna get my baby when he's strapped securely to his mama!

10) cutest accessory: Is there anything cuter than a baby? Add a cute sling and things get even better. As a new mommy I often find myself feeling a little homey or otherwise less "done-up" than I'd like to be. But, when I wear my baby I feel remarkably beautiful.

Up next: Babywearing positioning pointers and carrier types.

Why I took on "Attachment Parenting"

(I don't know how I'll possibly be able to talk about this in one post. There are so many advantages to attachment parenting that I'll likely make separate posts about many of its principles in the future, but here is a quick run down)

I've had a number of people ask me, "so, what is attachment parenting?" or "Why do you do that?" Attachment parenting was a phrase coined by Dr. William Sears who explains it as a style of parenting that most of us would do if there were no baby books written. I'm not 100% sure about that for everyone, but for me, it's very likely true. In a nutshell, attachment parenting is making choices that help you to know your baby best and therefore be better suited to follow their cues. Some of the common choices of attachment parents are: "on-cue" feeding (breastfeeding whenever possible), co-sleeping, babywearing, child-respectful weaning, and overall just loving your baby. You don't have to do all of those things to be an "attachment parent" (well, minus the loving your baby thing!), but they really help you to know your baby. Of course, individual application advised and necessary. If you're interested in attachment parenting, your best resources is The Baby Book by Dr. William and Martha Sears.

So, why attachment parenting for me? Well, that's a little bit of a journey. My baby Hyrum was brought into this world with an epidural, a bassinet, a stroller, disposable diapers, and I was committed to breastfeeding as long as it worked. I wanted to give birth without an epidural but figured I didn't have it in me. I was pretty sure co-sleeping would wreck a marriage. While I had a Moby Wrap from the beginning and planned on using it extensively, I was turned off by comments I'd read about "sling wearing" parents who were basically destroying their children's lives. And, I was scared about breastfeeding while in school.

Then, little by little, things changed. Breastfeeding felt like the most natural thing in the world. I had intentions of getting my baby "on a schedule" and had even been told by one of my favorite profs that my baby was "manipulating" me to be held more. What a load! At the time though, I was sure she must know more than me. So, I started to worry. I started pulling back from my baby, worrying that he was truly "manipulating" me, and moved him to the crib in the next room.

And then it hit me one day. I was sitting alone with my baby and I had this terrifying thought, "I don't know how to tell when you're hungry or tired anymore! I used to know but now I don't!" I'm not joking--I really did have this thought. One thing I did know for sure, I didn't want to let my baby cry to sleep. I just didn't have the heart for it. One day I was browsing on the internet for baby sleep books and came across one called, "The No-cry Sleep Solution." I thought, now that's my kind of baby book!

I checked it out from the library and in the section about babies under four months of age, she includes some references. Two of which were Attachment Parenting by Katie Allison Garanju and The Baby Book by Dr. William Sears. I checked out The Baby Book from the BYU library and began learning about the principles of attachment parenting. Back up a couple months and the ONLY exposure I had to attachment parenting was from a book called On Becoming Babywise which, in short, isn't a big fan of attachment style parenting. (We should note that while I was reading this book I had two thoughts, "This attachment parenting thing sound awful" and "this attachment parenting thing sound amazing.") I was a little torn. Now what to do...

Well, I did what any sensible person would do. I put it on hold. I was in the middle of trying to finish up my graduate degree and was remarkably insecure as a new mom. I just didn't want to deal with it right then. So I didn't.

About the time that we were moving to Canada, I found myself with a lot more time on my hands. I started reading. Internet sites, child development materials, Dr. Sears's book, and talking with other moms. The main draw for me: Attachment parents were absolutely in love with their children. They had great marriages; healthy, thriving babies; and were remarkably confident in their parenting. Now that's the kind of mom I wanted to be! I was tired of worrying if I was doing things right. I was tired of worrying that my baby wasn't like all of the babies I had read in other books. I was tired of not believing that I knew what was best for my baby.

After some visits with our pediatrician, I was filled with confidence that our cue-fed baby was developing beautifully and was in excellent physical condition (isn't it great that rolly polly is great condition?) so I figured, "why not give this a shot?!"

During the move, I consistently co-slept with Hyrum because I figured it was best with all of the different living spaces to always have one constant--me! When we moved into our apartment in Calgary, we tried to put him in the crib and he just wouldn't take it. Brennan and I had some discussions about what we thought was best and we decided the following things were important to us: couple time, quality sleep, and not crying it out. So we concocted our own way of doing things--musical beds. Hyrum sleeps in his crib for the first part of the night and we bring him to bed with us after the first night feeding. It's been a glorious way for us to have the best of all worlds. Nothing is sweeter to me than seeing my husband cuddle with our baby in the morning when we wake up. Tellin' ya girls,a man is never so attractive as when he is being so wonderful and gentle with a baby.

Next up was babywearing. This one mostly came out of convenience. We have etched concrete floors in the main part of our new apartment. Even by putting a blanket down on them, they're awfully hard. I don't really like putting Hyrum down on them and if I need to do something in the kitchen, I don't like leaving him at the other end of the house by himself. The Moby Wrap became my best friend. Also, since we live in a basement apartment, I absolutely hate dragging that stroller up our narrow stairs. I do from time to time but if I don't have to, then I figure why do it?

On-cue breastfeeding was something we were already doing. I tried scheduling Hyrum when he was a new baby and it just didn't feel right so I stopped. So, not much change there.

As far as weaning goes, we're just not there yet. I thought about introducing solids at 4 months but after doing some research, we decided to wait until at least 6 months. Hyrum does show interest in solids but he basically shows interest in just about anything that could (or couldn't) go in his mouth so I figured that wasn't a good enough of a reason and by feeding on-cue, his body doesn't need solids to stay full.

There are the individual choices but added up, the main reason I "do" attachment parenting is because I feel so much more confident in my parenting. I feel like I know my baby so well and know how to make choices that are good for him and for me. Though I thought this way of parenting would feel too "baby centered" (which is definitely what it sounds like), I actually have such a wonderful relationship with Hyrum now that I feel privileged to spend this kind of time on him. In fact, applying the principles of attachment parenting has really helped with my postpartum depression. I feel much more confident and "whole."

Now here's the big question: Am I spoiling him? I don't think so. For one, across the board, child development specialists agree that you can't spoil a child in the first year of life. Needs and wants are the same thing and that by helping them to meet their needs now, they will be more independent as they grow. Also, I really like a quote from Dr. Sear's book that basically says that spoiling is something we do when we leave food on a shelf to rot. I think the only way I could spoil him is if I replace what he really needs (loving parents, human interactions, touch, etc.) with things. By spending time on him rather than relying on a ton of toys to entertain him, I feel that I'm teaching him what really matters in this world--people, relationships, and his family. And that's why I'm an attachment parent.