Giving me (or rather, YOU) a break

In my challenge to "take the easy way out," I've thought a lot about my own insecurities as a mom.  That feeling of judgement, that desire to be the best mom possible, and the pressure that comes along with it.  But here's someone else who needs a break--my fellow moms!  I have been a bit, shall we say, outspoken (?) about my dislike of controlled crying or "cry it out."  In reality, I still don't really love it.  But here's something--I think I've reached the breaking point for me and our current sleep situation and I, yes I, the hater of cry-it-out, have seriously considered it.  Thus far I think I've made it a whole five minutes before feeling terrible and going in to rescue my little guy.  I'm still not sure I'll actually be able to go through with it, but if nothing else I've learned a great lesson--Thou shalt not judge your fellow moms.

Through all of this I keep thinking about what in the world I'm supposed to learn from this situation.  I find myself doubting like crazy (one of the many problems of lack of sleep).  I want to be the best mom possible and in my quest I've perhaps gone to a bit of an extreme--not necessarily in my mothering but certainly in my treatment of my fellow mommies.

And so my friends, here's sending you the break you deserve.  May you know how wonderful of a mom you are.  May you also know that if you're looking for a break, here it is.  Way to go, Mom!  And sorry for any negative vibes you sensed from yours truly.

Blog title

So, I changed my blog title...again.  I started out calling it "Posting about Parenting" because that's what I was doing--posting my thoughts about my adventure in parenting.  And then I figured that put a little too much pressure on me.  I'm no expert, I'm just me and this is my adventure.  Then I changed the title to "One Happy Mommy" because I wanted to make it clear that this way my adventure and I'm just one happy mommy.  Again, too much pressure.  I felt like people just assumed that I was saying this was the one way to be a happy mommy.  And so I've changed the title again.  I hope I haven't caused too much confusion in the world....yeah, not like many people read this thing anyway.  Go back to your lives that are more important than my blog title.

Less internet = happier mom

As many of you can probably tell, I get a little passionate from time to time about a few issues.  It's fine to be passionate, at least in my mind.  But, sometimes I let my passion slide over into judgement.  I don't really like that about myself.  I've really been struggling for a few months now to find a way to still feel passionate about things that feel right or wrong to me without slipping into "that mom" that I don't want to be.  After some prayer, some thinking, and some good conversations, I feel that I'm getting closer to where I want to be.  But if I were to list the one single thing that has made the biggest difference it would be spending less time online.

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with being online.  I think a lot of good things come from the internet and I definitely still enjoy me some Facebook and blogging time.  But I have found that spending less time reading other people's inflamed blog posts or status updates helps me to feel a little less inflamed.  Perhaps reading about other people's passions (whether they align with mine or not) just throws flames on my smouldering  embers.  Or perhaps I just get to live in my own little world where I don't know what other people are doing as much, so I can live more comfortably without worrying that I'm being judged.  Or, really, maybe just blogging less means that I don't structure arguments in my head as much.  Whatever it is, I just feel a lot better about it.

Now, don't get me wrong, I still feel a lot of passion about things.  Just today I commented on and concurred with a friend's anti-Babywise Facebook status with gusto.  But instead of feeling a huge vindictive surge against everyone and anything that upholds said book, I tried to talk about my feelings regarding the ideas in said book without passing judgement on those who have chosen to follow it.  I hope I was successful in my intentions.

In any case, I've really found that less internet = less judgemental = happier mom.  What this probably means in practical terms for this blog is that I'll be posting less.  But for now, that just feels like the right thing for me.

Whether it's internet, TV, or something else, do you find that you have things that affect your mood as a mom (or dad)?

Sending "good" vibes

I often think about dropping this blog all together. I mean, I like blogging...actually, maybe love it. But, there is so much negative stuff out there and I don't want to be one of those people contributing to it. I've realized it's incredibly hard to critique something without it being internalized as a personal attack. I honestly, truly, hope that while I may vehemently disagree with a method or philosophy, I do not want anyone, especially those that I love, to walk away feeling as if I somehow disapprove of them personally. I haven't found a consistently good way of communicating that, but please know that the intent is there.

At the end of the day, here's what I wish. Of course I wish everyone out there thought the same way I did. It would make life a lot easier and selfishly, I'm tired of feeling like others think I'm a "bad" mom or a "weird" mom.

When I was living in Utah it was a lot easier to get together with other moms and talk about our thoughts on childrearing. I didn't feel any need to write then. I had my support team right there.

Then I moved far from home, far from friends, and far from any life that I knew. Fact is, it gets kinda lonely and my brain gets a racin'. I can't go over to those friends' homes anymore and just talk. The hubby is incredibly busy at work and comes home very late in the evening, completely exhausted, and after a quick kiss goodnight, we both hit the sack without much conversation beyond "how did today go? Oh good, you survived. Here's to another one..." Not much time to sit down and discuss the ins and outs of our thoughts and feelings. It will get better soon (September 15th, you need to come NOW! I feel like I'm waiting for my due date all over again...) but in the meantime, I blog. You know how your partner is usually the person you vent to and keeps you sane? Mine should reappear after the tax deadline. I hate tax season.

Anyway, enough of the griping and complaining already! Here's my overall point, please realize that when I blog, I'm coming from a place where I'm still conversing, still figuring out exactly what it is that I actually think. Some of my thoughts are well thought-out, others are some rant that I'm currently feeling the need to get off my chest. However, I love the discussion we have here either way. If I seem illogical, please call me out on it. But please also know that I don't necessarily think that I'm being logical. I'm just writing. And writing. And then thinking later.

But no matter what, know that I don't ever want anyone walking away from this blog thinking they're "bad." Gosh, there is nothing less productive in this world than making someone feel awful about themselves. Do I wish everyone who read my posts agreed with them? Sure! Do I wish people would walk away thinking, "now that Amy, she's got some great ideas." Definitely! But here's what I don't want, "Golly, she must think I'm a bad parent." No way, Jose! (thanks Michelle Tanner) Do I necessarily agree with you? Maybe not. But by Jove, I hope everyone feels empowered to do what is best for them and their families. Do I wish no one ever cried-it-out again or that everyone loved babywearing? You betcha! Are you a "bad" mom (or dad) if you do, or don't do (respectively), those things? Not at all.

Here's to sending some "good" vibes. Goodness knows there are enough bad ones out there. Let's not make this place one of them.