Let a baby be a baby

We decided to go with baby-led weaning to introduce our baby to solids (post soon to come). It has been so much fun and my husband and I are both very much enjoying this transition into the world of food for our little guy.

I know that most people who do baby-led weaning are of a more "attachment" mindset but I was curious about other parents and their experiences with baby-led weaning. So, I hopped on to Chronicles of a Babywise Mom to see if she had posted anything about it. Sure enough, there were even some Babywise parents who had taken on baby-led weaning. That really excited me!

As I started reading some of the parents' experiences I was a little upset by one parent's comment,

"We chose to introduce meals slowly rather than straight into 3 meals a day, but we still had the meals structured into our routine and definitely still followed BW [babywise] expectations like no throwing food, smearing it around, lifting up the plate, etc."

Maybe this is silly, but I was almost shocked at the thought of expecting my 6-month old baby to not throw food or smear it around. In fact, that's one of the key points to baby-led weaning--to let your baby explore food, learn about it, how it feels, how it moves, etc. This is how they learn about the world. A baby throwing food (or anything) isn't being defiant, that's just how they learn about gravity, distance, their own strength, etc. I haven't read Babywise II about introducing solid foods and table manners because, well, I kind of think it would just boil my blood and be a waste of my time, though I've been a bit curious.

Call me a pushover, a softie, or whatever you will but I believe strongly that we just need to let kids be kids. They will spend so much of their lives being adults, why turn them into one at such a tender age? I'm not suggesting that people just let their children run wild and that there be no family rules--quite the contrary. I just feel that expectations should be age-appropriate and more importantly, individual child-appropriate. To me, expecting a baby to sit quietly, strapped to a high chair, with their hands on the side of the tray waiting patiently for their food to be put into their mouth is just asinine. I'm pretty sure that parent feeding their child would not be terribly patient if the roles were reversed.

As far as teaching our children, I believe the best teaching is done by example, not by force. Well-behaved parents will likely produce well-behaved children because that is what they see. Loving, warm parents will likely produce loving, warm children. Parents who yell and spank will likely produce children who will also yell and spank.

In working to raise my children in a Christ-centered home I think of what kind of a parent my Heavenly Father is to me. I know everyone's understanding and relationship with God is different but the God I know is one of love and understanding. He does not leave me to suffer without comfort. He holds me accountable for what I know and for what I am capable of doing. He is loving, gentle, and kind. That is the kind of parent I want to be and the kind of expectations I want to have for my children.

...

I've gotten onto a soapbox here. Basically all I'm trying to say is for goodness sake, let's learn to let the little things go, let the kid be a kid, and who cares if they smear their food!

A refreshing view on child development

The other day I got a dinner invitation via email from someone in our ward. We've met them a couple times but nothing substantial. In the email she mentioned that our sons would like to play together because even though Hyrum is 5 months old and her son is 15 months old, her son is "a little delayed."

Maybe this is silly, but I found this so refreshing. No massive explanation and no excuses. I have seen their family in church and by physical appearances, I could tell that their son was having some challenges but boy, do those parents love their kid! And so does just about everyone else in the ward. He seems sweet as can be.

In all of my "my kid needs to be developing properly" concerns, I sat back one day and wondered, "what if he walks a little later than other kids?" or "what if he were to be developmentally challenged?" My thoughts went in two directions, "well, I'll love him of course!" and "well, it would probably be my fault." Silly me should just consider the former.

I think our society of parenting is so ridiculously caught up in having the smartest, the cutest, the most advanced, the brightest, the IT kid. From special toys to early schooling to exposing our fetus to classical music, we're bombarded with ways to further the advancement of our kids. But, with few exceptions, our kids are probably going to turn out the way they're going to turn out.

I mean, sure, we can give them opportunities and there's nothing wrong with sharing our love for classical music with our babies but, come on! Do we need to be so obsessed about it that every toy in the toy store tries to sell itself with a list of developmental milestones it helps kids to achieve? Or "smart baby" DVDs in the hopes that we, too, will have a "Baby Einstein?" And is it really that big of a deal if your baby rolls over a month later than your friend's baby? Or doesn't "sleep through the night" yet (which, P.S., isn't a developmental milestone...we've just made it one)? Basically, the only thing we can do to mess up our kids is to strap them to the ground every moment of the day and refuse to let them move. Sooner or later, when they're ready, they're going to "advance." In the meantime, maybe we should just sit back and revel in this time before they advance far enough to talk back to us and before we have to use a fog horn to wake them up in the morning.