Friday, July 29, 2011

It's okay to change

Brennan and I were talking about a certain "surgery" we had performed on our little boy when he was first born. In some ways we regretted what we chose but unfortunately, there really isn't any going back. We talked about future sons and whether or not we would choose to do it again. We tossed around different thoughts like, "well, how would we explain to him or his brothers why they look different?" And, "how do we explain to the eldest that we regretted our decision with him, and that's why we made different decisions with later sons? Will he feel like he was the "experimental" child? The one we made our mistakes on and then thought them through later?"

I don't want Hyrum to feel like we didn't think through our actions with him but we did with his siblings. I don't want him to feel different from his brothers. I don't really want it to be an issue. So, at first we thought, "well, we should choose the same thing with future sons to spare the conversation." But, that didn't really feel right either. Why in the world would we do something again, that we said we wouldn't choose if we were given the opportunity again?

In the end we decided that wasn't a good enough of a reason. We can learn from our choices and make different ones in the future. I mean, isn't that what the atonement is all about? I've thought about this with other children too. I wasn't as cuddly with Hyrum when he was a newborn as I am with him now. I didn't babywear and I didn't co-sleep. I also didn't do my homework on natural birthing to help to ensure a more satisfying birth experience. But I plan to do that with my future children. I don't think it means that I love Hyrum any less or that I didn't care as much about him. Fact is, I just didn't know how important some of these things were to me until they were right there in front of me, or more correctly, right there in my arms.

It's okay to change, it's okay to make different decisions. It doesn't diminish what we already have.


  1. True it is ok to change. I fully support the message of this post. But I want to throw in a couple cents regarding circumcision. Old men are not as agile as young men are and they are not always as hygienic as a result. My sister-in-law was a CNA in a nursing home and has tended to men with infections because they were uncircumcised and unable to keep themselves adequately clean anymore. Just something to consider.

  2. We chose not to circumcise Noah. (Wish I had known then all your choices on parenting!) There were many reasons for our not doing it, one of them being that nobody in our family has done it with their sons and my brothers aren't and were able to help with that decision. People would ask us what we would tell him when he saw that others were different. I believe the truth would be in order and if he feels "left out" he can get the procedure done as an adult. They said he wouldn't because it would be painful. Exactly my point! Why would I put my new-born through that? Anyway, I have a lot of information on natural births and everything. My friends think I'm a super hippie because of how I feel about birthing naturally and taking the breast-feeding, baby wearing, and co-sleeping approach to raising my children! Love reading your posts Amy!

  3. we didn' the snippy-snip either, and I have to admit Henry's wee willy winkie seems very well protected by its natural covering. It really seems like that's what it's there for-- to provide an extra layer of protection. I always hear so much about infections, but we haven't had a single one yet, and this kid is not exactly into self-directed hygiene. I also find that a lot of people (whose families habitually circumcise) aren't sure exactly what a foreskin looks like, how much area it covers, or how thoroughly it is attached! To be honest I am not sure how those nurses get it off...