It's okay to change

Brennan and I were talking about a certain "surgery" we had performed on our little boy when he was first born. In some ways we regretted what we chose but unfortunately, there really isn't any going back. We talked about future sons and whether or not we would choose to do it again. We tossed around different thoughts like, "well, how would we explain to him or his brothers why they look different?" And, "how do we explain to the eldest that we regretted our decision with him, and that's why we made different decisions with later sons? Will he feel like he was the "experimental" child? The one we made our mistakes on and then thought them through later?"

I don't want Hyrum to feel like we didn't think through our actions with him but we did with his siblings. I don't want him to feel different from his brothers. I don't really want it to be an issue. So, at first we thought, "well, we should choose the same thing with future sons to spare the conversation." But, that didn't really feel right either. Why in the world would we do something again, that we said we wouldn't choose if we were given the opportunity again?

In the end we decided that wasn't a good enough of a reason. We can learn from our choices and make different ones in the future. I mean, isn't that what the atonement is all about? I've thought about this with other children too. I wasn't as cuddly with Hyrum when he was a newborn as I am with him now. I didn't babywear and I didn't co-sleep. I also didn't do my homework on natural birthing to help to ensure a more satisfying birth experience. But I plan to do that with my future children. I don't think it means that I love Hyrum any less or that I didn't care as much about him. Fact is, I just didn't know how important some of these things were to me until they were right there in front of me, or more correctly, right there in my arms.

It's okay to change, it's okay to make different decisions. It doesn't diminish what we already have.