But I have to be honest with myself, sometimes I think I want another one because I want to give birth again. I really, really want that second chance. I want to be able to make different decisions. I want to feel a sense of accomplishment and to feel fulfilled as a birthing mother. I want to prove to myself that I can do it.
And then I worry about what will happen if it doesn't work out. What if I don't have a successful VBAC and I'm stuck with a c-section from there on out? Then I don't want another baby right now. I don't want to lose that hope that things can be different because right now, at least I have that.
It's an emotionally messy day.