Thursday, August 25, 2011

Baby #2

Made ya look!

Okay, in all seriousness now.

While I was pregnant with babe #1, I was already talking about when we could/would/should have babe #2. You see, I'm a little older than I planned to be when beginning this whole childbearing thing. Those of you who knew me in my adolescent years probably remember the days of the plan for 14 children--all of whom would be donning handmade clothing and would be homeschooled on our ranch in Montana. And, well, then I married an accountant, not a rancher. And then we had baby #1 at age 26 rather than 20 and I finally got over the delusions of being able to make all (or even much) of my kiddos clothing. But I still had plans for a semi-big family. Probably not 14 or anything, but you know, 6 or 7...or 8. And, maybe that's still in the works. Only time will tell.

And so we agreed that around 9 months old we could start trying for baby #2. That was as low as I could get the hubby to go. He had the attitude of, "well, we'll see what happens and how we feel. Let's take this child thing one at a time." I was like, "if I am going to have all of the kiddos we can/want/should have then we've gotta get a move on!!!" If you can't tell, the hubby is a little more easy going than I am. I'm a little more, shall we say, tightly wound? An over-scheduler? Nutty? We'll go with that. Nutty.

Here's how nutty I was. Baby #1 is two weeks old and I'm already talking about having Baby #2. I blame the hormones. Here I am, sore as all get-out, having gotten about zero hours of sleep in the last two weeks, and the last time I had a shower was....well, I probably couldn't remember. And I was already talking about Baby #2. Yeah, gotta be those hormones.

But here we are, only a little over a month away from the agreed upon 9 month mark and I've dropped the mayhem and begging for baby #2. A lot of is because I want a VBAC something fierce and from everything I've read and researched, 24 months between pregnancies seems the minimal length for a best shot...well, and for some providers to even consider you for one.

At first this really got me down because it meant that I might not have the opportunity to 1) have as many children as I wanted and 2) have another little newborn in my arms as soon as I want it (anyone have a newborn I can hold? Do you ship to Canada? I'll pay the international fees!). I felt a little sorry for myself for a while. It just didn't seem fair!

Then I got to thinking of all of the really great things that come from waiting a little longer: Perhaps baby #1 will no longer be in diapers anymore. Perhaps he'll become my little helper who can open doors and at least put away his own shoes. Perhaps he'll be able to communicate on a semi-decent level and there will be some reciprocal conversation in my life during waking hours.

But here was the biggest selling point for me: Baby #1 will get his baby time. Now, I know there are some incredible women out there who can divide their time and their attention (and be pleasant during their pregnancies) to ensure that happens. I happen to be friends with a number of these incredible women. But I'm coming to the realization that I just don't think I'm one of those people. At least not yet. And so Baby #1 will get his time to be the nursling, his time to cuddle in bed, his time to get all of the grandma hugs when we visit. I don't think that mommies have to really "divide" their time, but I do think things get trickier.

And so I look back on that 9-month agreement (funny how I didn't even consider that my mommy's-milk-loving-baby would put the cork on that idea) and remind myself that what matters most is the quality of our relationships, not the quantity. If we can have both quality and quantity then great! If not, well, that's fine too. We'll work for quality in the meantime. I firmly believe that all things happen for a reason and that our Heavenly Father has provided a way that we can be happy, whether or not it aligns with our previously held notions of happiness. And sometimes, especially then.


  1. It will happen when it is supposed to happen, planning will only take you so far. Lucy, our second, was unexpected and I couldn't imagine the timing any differently. I think you are smart to enjoy the time you have with each one because while you will love all of your children it definitely gets more crazy with every one! I wanted 5, but now that I have three I think we will talk about that again!!! Good luck, I am glad you are enjoying motherhood so much. It's an adventure for sure. My "baby" is turning 4 and there are two more!

  2. You know we have been trying very unsuccessfully to have #3 for a long time and I was really upset that we weren't getting pregnant and getting all frustrated but I have been able to just sit back and enjoy my girls in the stage they are in and really soak in their little personalities and help them with the things they struggle with right now. We've pretty much been trying to get pregnant our whole marriage, we've been lucky a few times but When I look back on the timing of our children's births it was absolutely perfect. Life just doesn't fit into a neat little box or follow what is happening on my "to do" list and I think I am finally learning that that is ok. Thanks for the post....if I had a newborn I would let you hold it so you could get your baby fix, but I'm too busy stealing other people's babies to get mine :)

  3. Come to our ward--I think there have been 4 babies born in the last 6 weeks! There will be at least 12 kids born in our ward this year. And we are in the middle of West Jordan, not Provo/Orem or Daybreak! :-)

  4. My doctor told me it should be 18 months from birth to birth for a vbac, since most of the healing happens within the first 6 weeks anyway, and should be completely healed by 6 months post-surgery. So, getting pregnant with a 9 month old wouldn't be a problem (at least according to my obgyn).
    Family planning is tricky any way you look at it though. It took 2 years to get pregnant with #2, then the last 2 came as a bit of a surprise while I was still nursing the previous baby (nursing makes for crazy unpredictable cycles for me). But, you are right to enjoy the time you have with your baby. As long as you pray and follow the spirit you'll end up with the family God wants you to have, and you'll know when it's the right time to have another.