tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-77925206211808726642024-03-12T21:14:50.475-07:00Confessions of a Co-sleeperAmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.comBlogger66125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7792520621180872664.post-76903473208555038732012-04-16T22:17:00.001-07:002012-04-16T22:18:23.190-07:00Mommy Wars 101To begin, I just want to clear the air. I have definitely been involved in mommy wars in my time as a mother, and do you want to know what? They're awful. I've hurt so many feelings--feelings of some of the women I hold most dear in my life. I've caused doubt and discouragement where I should have given help and encouragement. I've been a bit of a jerk. Plain and simple. There have been too many times when I've left one of these mommy scuffles with frustration and feelings of sinful pride that are followed by months of feeling like one of the worst human beings on the planet. So first, an apology. I am truly, truly sorry for any hurt feelings I have caused. I worry that I have destroyed friendships that I hold so dear, only to make my point. What an idiot I have been.<div>
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A little bit of personal history (for those of you who haven't watched the vigor of my blog posts diminish over the last few months): I found myself in a number of online mommy wars in my first few months of motherhood--debates about crying it out, breastfeeding vs. formula feeding, co-sleeping vs. solitary sleeping, strollers vs. slings, and the like. At the end of the day, my personal preferences haven't changed much. I still think breast is best, that safe co-sleeping should be considered a viable option for most families, and that a sling beats a stroller any day. But here's where I have changed--I don't think my way is the only <i>true </i>way. I sure as heck think it's a good way. It's the way I've been inspired to raise my children (or at least the one I have thus far). But the "true" way? Nope. Don't think so. At least not anymore.</div>
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I was talking with another mom a while ago about this subject. She mentioned that she found it ridiculous how there can be wars, famine, homelessness, and other really BIG problems going on in society; but rather than focusing on these big problems, moms get themselves worked up over parenting issues. It does seem kind of silly now, doesn't it? </div>
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In the last few months, I've really been wondering about the "whys" of Mommy Wars--why do they happen? Why do we become so attached to our way of doing things? Even more, why do we feel a need to <strike>share </strike>push our way on others?</div>
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I've thought of a few truly legitimate reasons for this kind of behavior. I'm not at all trying to justify the behavior, only to say that I think that if we can understand the reasons behind the wars themselves, maybe we'll be in a better position to turn away from them:</div>
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<li>The "Only True Way" Syndrome: As human beings, we are constantly seeking for "capital T" Truth. The universal, all-encompassing truth that will show us the way to all things--how to live our lives, where we are going, and what we should be doing. As a member of a religion that claims the title of the only completely true and living church upon the earth, I kind of understand where this mentality comes from within Mormon Mommy circles. We feel a truly genuine desire to share our way--the True way--with others. After many, many attempts to find the "true" way of parenting in the scriptures, I came up a bit empty handed. Truth be told, there isn't a set-in-stone recipe for parenting, even (and perhaps, especially) in the scriptures. If there truly was a "true and only way" to raise children, I think God would have been really clear about it. Turns out there are two basic principles to spiritual parenting: Love and Righteousness. From there, you've got a whole lot of different and valid interpretations.</li>
<li>The "I See My Child" Syndrome: There is this crazy thing that happened when I became a mother and maybe others of you have experienced it. Anytime you hear/see/learn of a sad, horrific, terrifying, or otherwise upsetting thing happening to a child, you imagine it happening to your own child. If there's something that you don't agree with and someone does it with their children, it almost feels as if they're doing it to your own. And it hurts. Truly. So the Mother Bear emerges. But what needs to be remembered is that it's NOT your child and that really, save any true form of abuse, their children are probably going to be just fine and so are yours. It's just hard to remember when your heartstrings are being tugged.</li>
<li>The "I Feel Insecure" Syndrome: Isn't our good ol' friend insecurity the cause of most contention? When we feel secure in our decisions and in ourselves, we are almost untouchable. That's not to say that we can take a beating, but little mommy bickerings aren't going to sway our decision or make us feel that we are doing a poor job. But when a mom feels insecure with her decision and/or feels that she is being judged or ridiculed, things get tense.</li>
<li>The "I Really Want to Help Syndrome": This is most likely in conjunction with the "Only True Way Syndrome." When a mom feels strongly and/or when something has worked very well for her, she may want to help others. At it's best, this results in encouragement and conversation. At it's worst, this turns into bossing around and judging. </li>
<li>The "My Circumstances are Your Circumstances" Syndrome: The big debate point for me in my early days of Mommy Wars was CIO sleep training. I couldn't understand how other families could possibly do such a thing. And then I stepped back and realized that I was: 1) a stay at home mom who could take naps/sleep in after a bad night, 2) a co-sleeper, which means I got more sleep than moms with baby in another room, 3) someone who operates fairly well on little sleep, 4) I only had one child, and 5) I had some personal emotional reasons for not feeling comfortable with leaving someone alone when they wanted/needed comfort. So, for me and my circumstances, not crying it out was an (and really, THE) option. After I stepped back and realized that not all moms were in the same situation as me (duh!), I was able to be a lot more understanding of the experience of other mothers. Too frequently in parenting, politics, and in general life, we think in our own circumstances and what we did/would do. But that's not always the same set of circumstances that another person experiences. In fact, it's rarely so. But it's still hard to do--to think outside of our box--and Mommy Wars are just one of the unfortunate results.</li>
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Those are just a few of the reasons I could think of, though I'm sure there are many others (please feel free to share!). More than anything, I hope the mommy wars can stop. I hope that we can learn to honor and understand one another. I hope we can spend our time uplifting our fellow moms rather than saying or doing things that tear each other down. Let's face it, being a mom is tough work. The last thing a mom needs is something superfluous to worry about.</div>
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</div>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7792520621180872664.post-51265232454701031852012-02-08T11:20:00.000-08:002012-02-08T11:35:37.365-08:00Breastfeeding: No need to fearI just want to say upfront that I don't want this to turn into a pro-breastfeeding, anti-formula feeding post. I'm not going to sit and spout on and on about the benefits of breastfeeding or the "horrors" of formula. I trust that many of you know yours stuff and know the arguments on both sides of the fence. So, I'm just not going to go there.<br />
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Also, I should mention that I have had a number of friends who truly could not breast feed. One friend of mine lost so much blood during delivery that from the beginning, no matter what she did, she was unable to establish a good supply. Another struggled with hormone imbalances of the thyroid that they were never able to get under control. Yet another had to go on a strong drug for disease treatment that would have caused her child harm. And countless more who have lost their supply because of stress, fatigue, or what have you, and were unable to produce enough milk. I don't want this to at all be construed as a critique of these women or even of women who choose to formula-feed right off the bat.<br />
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My main desire for this post is to instill some confidence in pregnant and postpartum mothers who desire to breastfeed. In those months leading up to the birth of my son, I was terrified of breastfeeding. I worried that it wouldn't work out. I worried that I wouldn't be able to figure out how to do it. I worried about sore nipples, incorrect latches, positioning, and most of all, milk production. I've had so many friends who lost their milk supply and I didn't want that to be me.<br />
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I was panicked, mostly because my perception of the difficulties behind breastfeeding were blown way out of proportion. Hardly anyone comes up to you and tells you their success stories. It's just one failure story after another and that gets a soon-to-be mommy worried. So, here are some things you should know.<br />
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1)<b> For the vast majority of women, breastfeeding is possible. </b>If you ask any woman in Bangladesh how many women she knows who are unable to breastfeed, she'll likely tell you that she doesn't know any healthy woman unable to do so. Now, we're not in Bangladesh and frankly, our support network for breastfeeding mothers in the West is significantly lacking. Largely, breastfeeding mothers in the West are sequestered alone at home, have little night help, and are juggling a number of responsibilities outside of the home (i.e school, work). Also, our Western culture is not as tolerant of breastfeeding as are the Bangladeshi. So, I'm not suggesting it's equal territory. However, as far as milk production itself is concerned, when underfed women in third-world countries are able to have such success, perhaps there needs to be some re-evaluation of cultural implications around breastfeeding rather than an assumption that breastfeeding is too hard or impossible for most women.<br />
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2) <b>Demand feeding is the key</b>. If there was anything, <i>anything</i>, that will affect your supply the most, it's how frequently and how long your baby feeds. There are a number of infant care books on the market suggesting that babies should eat less frequently and longer so they get full feedings and get more of the hindmilk. Unfortunately, these books are greatly lacking in knowledge surrounding lactation and sadly, are incorrect in their approach to establishing a lasting milk supply. I'm not going to suggest they won't help them sleep longer or whatever they're selling as the main point of their book. They have their place and their purpose, but milk supply isn't one of them.<br />
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While a mother may be able to maintain her supply in the first few months while feeding on a schedule, most find a dramatic decrease in their milk supply around 3-4 months of age. This is because in the early weeks and months, milk production is controlled by the hormones progesterone and prolactin while over time it moves to a supply-demand system. I have seen countless women who have suffered supply loss around the 3-4 month mark. Know that this type of supply loss is preventable as well as reversible.<br />
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Just as a side note, remember that breastfeeding accomplishes more than nutrition. On a strictly biological need level, it also quenches thirst. Babies should not be forced to be "hungry" for a feed because some feeds are to provide "food" and some are to provide "water." Do not force your baby into an eating schedule in the first 3-4 months of life. At that age they cannot manipulate so take them at their word when they tell you they want to eat. A baby who does not want to breastfeed will make it known (any mom who has been there knows what I mean. You cannot force a baby to breastfeed!).<br />
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If you're interested in the nuts and bolts of milk supply, <a href="http://www.kellymom.com/bf/supply/milkproduction.html">here </a>is a wonder article written by a reputable lactation consultant on the subject.<br />
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3) <b>If you do experience low supply, there are ways to help</b>. Most doctors will suggest pumping as a way to check or increase supply. However, there is something to note about pumping--pumping only tells you how much you can pump. Unless you are using a hospital grade pump, you will not be able to extract the same amount of milk as you would from your baby sucking straight from the breast. If you are returning to work or school full-time, check with your local hospital to see if you can rent or borrow one of these pumps.<br />
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Another device that many lactation consultants will suggest is a supplemental nutrition system. This is a tube-like structure that can be placed at the breast that delivers formula or pumped milk to your baby while they are suckling at the breast. The act of having the baby suckle at the breast will, in itself, increase your supply (provided any health issues surround the low supply have been addressed) while still providing nourishment for your baby so she is able to grow and thrive in the interim. This is a wonderful option for adoptive mothers or mothers who are hoping to relactate after losing their supply.<br />
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4) <b>Talk to the expert. Your pediatrician likely <i>isn't</i> it</b>. If you were having heart problems, your family physician could only do so much for you before they would turn you over to a cardiologist. The same is true of pediatricians and breastfeeding. Pediatricians have little, and often no, training in lactation science. They are taught the benefits thereof but many, if not most, cannot offer reliable help when it comes to breastfeeding mechanics or how to increase milk supply. If you find yourself struggling, seek out a lactation consultant or a La Leche League leader. They have been trained especially in helping breastfeeding moms. Your likelihood of success when seeking out their help is significantly higher than when referring to your pediatrician or left to your own devices and the internet. Again, imagine yourself trying to self-treat your heart problem using internet articles. If money is an issue, consider the cost of formula feeding vs. a consultation with a lactation consultant (ranging from $30-100). You will find yourself saving that much money in the first month of transferring to formula. A La Leche League leader usually will offer her services for free.<br />
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5) <b>Keep baby close</b>. Whether you choose to co-sleep or sleep separately, baby should remain in the same room as the mother for the first 11-12 weeks of life. This is because the close proximity of mother and baby helps to establish supply (it will also reduce your baby's risk for SIDS). While your head may know that you have a baby, your body also needs to know. Keeping your baby in close proximity, especially at night when prolactin levels are highest, will help to encourage a good supply. Wearing your baby in a sling or wrap, preferably skin to skin, will also help to increase and maintain milk supply.<br />
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6) <b>Remember that you can't have your cake and eat it too--most of the time</b>. Breastfeeding has its challenges. One of them is that you're the one on call, no matter what time of day, or night. I completely understand why some families choose to use formula in the nighttime so Dad can take a night feed. And I don't blame a parent for wanting their child to sleep through the night at an early age.<br />
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But, like all things in life, sometimes goals aren't compatible. Having a baby sleep through the night at 7, 8, 9 weeks old will often spell disaster for a mother's milk supply. I say often because it's not <i>always </i>true, especially if the baby started sleeping through without too much outside encouragement. In the first 12 weeks of life, a baby calling for night feedings should be seen as a necessity rather than an inability to put himself back to sleep. Whether breastfeeding or sleeping through the night is your goal, you'll need to evaluate which is your <i>main </i>goal and which is secondary. Only a family can make that decision for themselves. Or you can cross your fingers for a natural sleeper. Yeah, I did that...not so lucky. Maybe next time.<br />
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7) <b>Accept help and take time for you</b>. Most of us are offered plenty of help with the birth of a new baby, but we don't take it because of pride or what have you. But, if someone offers to hold the baby while you take a nap, take them up on it! (Really, who doesn't love to snuggle a newborn? Let them have the chance!) If you really need some time for yourself, take the babysitting offer from Grandma so you can go shopping or whatever it is that brings you happiness. More than anything, you need to take care of yourself. It may feel selfish, but remember that you taking care of you allows you to take care of baby.<br />
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<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7792520621180872664.post-79161287832404751412012-01-09T20:40:00.000-08:002012-01-09T21:44:25.950-08:00Reflections on a year of motherhoodI've been thinking about this post for some time. Tomorrow my little boy will cross the threshold of months to years. Suddenly he's thrown into classifications of toddlers rather than babies and suddenly I feel as if a whole new set of joys and challenges are about to unfold.<br />
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A couple things happened tonight that made me stop and think about this past year of mothering. For starters, Brennan was sitting on the couch telling Hyrum the story about his birth, a story that often fills me with feelings of anticipation, emptiness, and failure. Then I came across a friend's blog post about a certain book that was a part of a lot of turmoil in my early days of motherhood and a new flood of emotions emerged--guilt and frustration being the main themes.<br />
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So frequently these are the things that I think of when I think of my failings as a mother. The moments I try to sweep under the rug and pretend like they're not really there. But like the dust under the rug, it's there, and sooner or later I've got to deal with it.</div>
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Maybe this is the exact moment to do so.<br />
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I'm not a failure, even though the little voice inside of my head seems to whisper it at least once a day. The moment where I realize that I fed Hyrum toast and an orange--but no vegetables (gasp!)--for lunch. The moment where, because I'm feeling ill, I let him watch <i>Curious George</i> on the television in hopes of getting a few moments to rest on the couch. The moment where I question if in my resolve to never let him cry to sleep, I've destroyed his sleep habits for life. The moment where I wonder if those five minutes of crying have removed his trust in me. The moment where I can't seem to figure out if I'm giving him too little or too much attention, too little or too much love, too little or too much _______.</div>
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That blasted voice. I don't like it. And it's not me.</div>
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I'm a mother. I love my child. I want everything in the world for him and darn it, I've done a great job, no matter what the voice in my head thinks.<br />
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And so I started thinking about all of those absolutely wonderful moments. Those moments that nothing bad can touch. Those moments that live on in your memory as the pat on the back, the sigh of relief, and the reminders that not only am I doing this thing called motherhood, but I'm actually doing a pretty good job at it.<br />
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In my personal journey, here are a few of those moments.</div>
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<li>The first time I held this precious child and knew that he was mine.</li>
<li>The first time I admitted to missing the feeling of being pregnant, to have that life--Hyrum's life--inside of me in such a physical and emotional way.</li>
<li>The day(s) I finished my recital/oral exam/comprehensive exam/paper/etc., not <i>in spite</i> of having a newborn, but because I wanted to set an example for him of finishing what I started. The first of many experiences in which I realized that my life was more than my own, it was a legacy for my children.</li>
<li>The first night I brought Hyrum to bed with me. That night and for and many nights afterwards, I fell in love with the feeling of a of a sleeping child resting in the crook of my arm, at my breast, near my heart, and by my side--a feeling of closeness, both physically and emotionally, that I will never regret.<div>
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<li>The moment I was grateful for an easy going child when, because Brennan was out of town, I had Hyrum alone for four hours of church meetings. He spent hour after hour contentedly in the baby carrier through Primary program practices, ward choir rehearsals, and much more.</li>
<li>The few weeks when he refused to poop in his diaper and because I knew him so well, knew when to put him on the potty. That phase passed, but for that time, it was a surprisingly beautiful reminder that I knew him and through our communication with one another, I could give him what he needed.</li>
<li>The moment, just today, when he climbed into my lap, asked to nurse, and sat there contentedly for nearly 20 minutes, glad to be held by and cuddling with mommy</li>
<li>The moment when I picked him up from the sitter and despite <i>my </i>separation anxiety, realized that he had a blast because he knew I would return to him.</li>
<li>The moment every day when I kneel down to pray and thank Heavenly Father over and over again for the blessing of this child and for this experience.</li>
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I'm sure that voice of guilt and doubt will return, and probably frequently.<br />
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But I'm grateful for those moments that tell you it's all worth it. I'm grateful for love, support and encouraging words that help tie me over in the moments when I can't remember <i>THE </i>moments. Most of all, I'm grateful to be a mother.<br />
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<br /></div>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7792520621180872664.post-4832908977134440932011-12-13T20:33:00.000-08:002011-12-16T12:52:55.393-08:00Weighing in on the CIO debate<a href="http://www.visualphotos.com/photo/2x4641171/Close_Up_Of_Baby_Sleeping_On_Towel_MON188076.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="139" src="http://www.visualphotos.com/photo/2x4641171/Close_Up_Of_Baby_Sleeping_On_Towel_MON188076.jpg" width="200" /></a>There is probably no topic that separates parents and contributes to mommy wars like sleep training. I've been pretty outspoken about my dislike of the cry it out approach in the past and really, I'm still not a fan.<br />
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That being said, I've had a bit of a change of heart these past few months--partly because I'm living in a less-than-ideal baby sleeping situation currently and partly because I realize that families are doing their very best and could use as much encouragement as possible. Also, I'm starting to realize that "cry it out" really does seem to be a "damned if you do and damned if you don't" sort of dilemma. As we've been facing our own sleep dilemmas, I've been doing a lot of reading and a lot of thinking. Thus far, here are the arguments for and against CIO that seem legitimate (in my mind).<br />
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For:<br />
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<li>CIO enables the baby or young child to learn the important skill of going to sleep unaided. Lack of this skill may result in years of parental involvement in aiding a child to go to sleep and/or issues with insomnia later in life.</li>
<li>CIO often results in more sleep overall and more consolidated sleep as the child is able to return to sleep unaided. Lack of sleep and consolidated sleep has been linked to lower IQ scores, less empathy, behavioral problems, and ADHD.</li>
<li>Parents are able to get the sleep they need to be understanding, empathetic, patient, and have fun with their children.</li>
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<li>CIO may weaken parent/child attachment, teach child that they cannot trust their parents and/or environment. This may result in less attachment promoting behaviors including less empathy and behavioral problems.</li>
<li>CIO has been linked with brain damage, lower IQ scores, and ADHD.</li>
<li>CIO may cause unhealthy fears of sleep and/or the dark.</li>
<li>CIO may cause a parent to lose trust in their baby's cues and therefore be less understanding, empathetic, patient, etc.</li>
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Anyone else see a major dilemma here? Basically, if you CIO you're destroying your child's life and if you don't CIO you're destroying your child's life...and most of the evidence points to the exact same emotional/behavioral/societal problems. Blast.</div>
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Here's what I think deep down inside. I don't think there is any one right answer. There really is no way to quantitatively or qualitatively measure the affects of CIO, or lack thereof. However, there are a few well-established theories that most scientists and doctors agree on:<br />
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<li>Babies under 12 weeks of age cannot self-soothe (Weissbluth). Therefore, it would make sense that there could be some negative emotional/psychological/sociological affects of allowing a newborn to CIO.</li>
<li>It is impossible to spoil a child in the first year of life (Erickson). (note: I'm not suggesting that parents should NOT sleep train in the first year of life. Just that there cannot be any "spoiling" if parents choose not to do so during the first 12 months).</li>
<li>Accumulative sleep deprivation can be physically and mentally detrimental to both children and their parents.</li>
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Beyond these points, I feel that most points used to sell or protest the CIO approach to sleep training are purely conjecture. Whatever side of the fence you fall on probably has more to do with your personal preferences, beliefs, and intuition.</div>
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On that last point--intuition--I just want to make mention that because of my personal spiritual beliefs and faith, I feel that parents, and only the parents, can receive personal revelation for their child. Maybe this is a bit personal, but I feel that the choice to, not to, how, when, where to sleep train, is something that should be made a matter of intense thought and prayer. It's important for parents to know and study their options, make a decision that feels right based on their family's individual circumstances at that time, and then take the matter to the Lord. Only then parents will have confirmation from the only True Source as to the best course of action for their family. I feel that if this were the way that all parents went about making decisions for their families, then maybe all of the mommy wars on this subject could stop. </div>
<br /></div>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7792520621180872664.post-36639604481882886222011-12-09T08:15:00.001-08:002011-12-09T11:45:46.207-08:00Book Review Attachment Parenting: Instinctive Care for Your Baby and Young Child<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I'm on a quest to finish all of these book reviews, so please bear with me. This book was one that I read a while ago, about six months ago. Katie Allison Granju has done a marvelous job of compiling research for her book about attachment parenting. This was another "appeal to the nerd" book because, again, <i>tons </i>of quotes from doctors, parents, anthropologists, child development specialists, psychologists, etc.<br />
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This is definitely a book I would recommend to those who already are considering an "attachment parenting" lifestyle for them and their families rather than those who are being introduced to it for the first time (I'd recommend Dr. Sears's <i>The Baby Book</i> in those cases), mostly because of the passionate way she talks about attachment parenting (i.e. calling a crib a "baby cage" and carrying babies around in "baby buckets" such as car seats, swings, etc.). It would probably be a little much for an attachment parenting investigator. However, she does cover some parenting decision that aren't covered very thoroughly in <i>The Baby Book</i> including choices about circumcision, cloth diapering, how to choose a childcare provider or pediatrician, and extended breastfeeding. They're touched on in <i>The Baby Book</i>, but Granju goes into quite a bit of detail about these decisions.<br />
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If I was to have every mother read one chapter of this book, it would be the section on breastfeeding. She dispels myths about milk production (i.e. breasts need to "build up" milk so that baby has enough to eat, schedule feeding vs. cue feeding, and pumping as a way to increase milk production) and unloads a plethora of research about the benefits of breastfeeding. However, she also acknowledges that in a small percentage of cases, some women are physically unable to breastfeed, usually due to a medical problem (loss of too much blood during child birth, a hormonal imbalance, extreme stress, etc) and in these cases gives suggestion on how to "nurse" your bottle fed baby. I really liked how she addressed that breastfeeding is much more than the milk, it's a relationship, and that no matter what, a parent can have that relationship with their child.<br />
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A second "recommended chapter" would be the chapter on baby carriers. Again, there are a lot more types now than there were when this book was published, but she goes into the pros and cons of the basic carrier types (sling, front carrier, back carrier) and how to choose a baby carrier that is best suited for your needs.<br />
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Though she is quite zealous, she is very thorough and well thought-out. For example, I was on the fence about circumcising future sons, but Granju's section on circumcision (how it's unnecessary, the benefits of an intact penis, pain experienced during and after circumcision, etc.) certainly influenced me. Also, she includes literally hundreds of resources for parents including support groups, carrier types and manufacturers, breastfeeding help, and further reading. Since her book was published in 1999, I would love it if she revised and updated this book to include a "best of" list of resources since, obviously, the advent of the internet has significantly increased a parent's resources.<br />
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So, if you're curious about attachment parenting, opt for <i>The Baby Book</i> or Dr. Sears's <i>The Attachment Parenting Book</i> (it's more or less the "getting attached" section of <i>The Baby Book</i> with some added information). If you're pretty sure attachment parenting is the route for you and you want some added information about the benefits thereof, check out <i>Attachment Parenting: Instinctive Care for Your Baby and Young Child</i> by Katie Allison Granju.Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7792520621180872664.post-57344480892781219152011-12-07T14:03:00.001-08:002011-12-07T14:23:07.527-08:00Spoiled is what happens to milkIt always makes me sad to hear someone say that I'm spoiling my child by holding him too much, by rocking him at night, by letting him sleep beside me, or by staying home with him. It makes me sad because spoiled is such a rotten word. It means that you have failed, it means that the product is of no use, that it's bad, that it's a waste. Like that spoiled milk in the refrigerator--it's disgusting and unappealing.<br />
<br />
But I don't believe it. You see, spoiled is what happens to something that has been left alone too long. Something that did not serve its purpose. Something that has been forgotten. Something you didn't care about enough to focus your attention on it. Something that will never be what it could have become.<br />
<br />
And the same is with "spoiled" children. When we began our journey as parents, I wondered if our high-touch style of parenting would spoil him. And then I thought, "what do I think of when I think of a spoiled child?" I think of children who have everything they want-- every toy they asked for, never have to help around the home, and can do whatever they please without considering the consequences of those choices. But I don't think those things are love. I've never known a child to be spoiled with hugs, kisses, closeness, contact, holding, or cuddles. In fact, when it comes to what we think of as "spoiling," it's in large part things. Things that have been used <i>in place</i> of love, time, and attention. <br />
<br />
And so, if love be spoils, then I give them. But surely my child will not be forgotten. He will not be tossed aside. He will not be made useless. I'm on a personal mission as part of my "have a plan," to spend more time loving, comforting, cuddling, holding, kissing, and being with my child. Maybe, one step at a time, I can help him see that things are not the answer--love and people are.<br />
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<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7792520621180872664.post-7800529657182541732011-12-01T11:05:00.001-08:002011-12-01T13:49:23.759-08:00Book Review Three in a Bed: The Benefits of Sleeping with Your Baby<br />
<a href="http://images.bookadda.com/images/bk_images/758/9780747565758.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://images.bookadda.com/images/bk_images/758/9780747565758.jpg" width="126" /></a>I read this book a few months ago and didn't get around to reviewing it because of my silly space bar dilemma. So, here goes.<br />
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I really enjoyed reading <i>Three in a Bed</i>. It definitely appealed to the nerd within me as it had literally hundreds of quotes from cultural anthropologists, psychologists, medical doctors, professors, historical treatises on parenting, and the #1 experts--real parents. There was a quote on almost every single page pointing to the benefits of sleeping with your baby, babywearing, forgoing cry-it-out sleep training, breastfeeding, etc. It is written by Deborah Jackson, British mother of three, all of whom co-slept with her and her husband.<br />
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Jackson held traditional views about where a baby should sleep--in his crib, in his own room--until reading <i>The Continuum Concept: In Search of Happiness</i> <i>Lost </i>by Jean Liedorff. In a section of Liedorff's book, she speaks of her experience one night sleeping in the jungle among the natives of South America. At one point, all of the sleepers were awakened, one told a joke, they all laughed, and then went immediately back to sleep. There were no sleep troubles and every person was able to be roused, awakened, and fall back asleep without any problems whatsoever. In her study of this same group of natives, she found that within their culture, families slept together rather than separately, as is the custom in most of Western society. She concluded that a lot of our sleep problems in the West--from insomnia to general tiredness--have been created by our "laboratory style" sleep conditions including lights out, comfortable bed, quietness, and undisturbed sleep. As such, these laboratory sleep conditions may, in fact, be <i>creating </i>sleep problems rather than preventing them. And so, Jackson decided in the final weeks of pregnancy with her first child, to get rid of their assembled crib and bring Baby to bed with her and her husband.<br />
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Throughout the book, Jackson addresses a myriad of issues that face the co-sleeping family including the typical concerns about SIDS, overlaying, and general safety. She also addresses practical matters such as sexual intimacy between husband and wife (which, was one part of the book that I didn't really catch her fire. She basically subscribes to the thought that it's not that big of a deal if Baby is there, awake or asleep, and that it may even be healthy for babies and very young children to be privy to sexual exchanges between parents. Not really my cup of tea, personally but whatever floats your boat); how to wean from the family bed when desired; as well as the emotional, health, sociological, and psychological benefits to co-sleeping.<br />
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My personal favorite section was her chapter entitled "Nomads and Nannies" where she examines parenting practices across many cultures. She dispels the belief that all "uncivilized" and non-Western cultures are high-touch, co-sleeping, and nurturing. Instead, she gives example after example of gentle parenting practices in some cultures, and how they, in turn, produce a culture characterized as gentle, meek, and kind. In contrast, she gives mention to aggressive cultures that are highly disciplined, leave young babies to cry excessively (at one point, she talks about a culture that swaddles their babies and put them in a hanging basket on the wall except for when they are permitted to eat or to be changed), and who do not nurture and hold their babies. Jackson suggests that perhaps our aggressive Western culture spawns from low-touch, overly disciplined parenting practices. I think that's a little simplistic, but definitely some food for thought.<br />
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I would certainly recommend this book to anyone who has considered co-sleeping in their family. I do wish she had included a little more information about how to handle a few of the issues we're currently facing in our co-sleeping situation--i.e. Mr. Baby Bed Hog and how to prevent my arms from falling asleep when they're trying to avoid Mr. Baby Bed Hog. Again, I didn't agree or buy everything she had to say but overall, I found it to be very informative, enlightening, and thought-provoking book.<br />
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Happy Reading!Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7792520621180872664.post-66664614342357026112011-11-30T17:07:00.001-08:002011-12-01T10:22:25.297-08:00The Happiest Mom Challenge: Have a PlanHow did your month of "taking the easy way out" go? I know for me I actually found it pretty liberating. Here are some of the ways that I took the easy way out this month:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>I scaled back my advent calendar. I had all of these high hopes of sewing an advent calendar with little pockets to hold strips of paper for an activity to do every day. And then I decided that was too much work and decided to just make little envelopes out of wrapping paper and wrote on the inside of them. SO much easier.</li>
<li>I decided to only tackle a chore or two a day. Every time I have these high hopes of cleaning the entire house at once, I just end up disappointed. As long as the laundry, dishes, and perhaps another task for the day are accomplished, then I think I'm doing pretty well!</li>
<li>I finally started planning leftovers into our meal schedule. For the past few months, I've been making our meal calendar with a new meal (and usually a brand new recipe) every day. And then it started to become a burden to get the leftovers gone. So, I just started making a little bit extra food for our meal and actually <i>plan </i>on having it be supper again the next day. The variety has gone downhill a bit but our fridge (and my sanity) is thanking me.</li>
<li>I gave up and made flip charts with all of the words for the songs in our Primary program. I had been working like crazy to help the children memorize the songs really well. But on the day of, I realized they still weren't quite there yet. I figured it was more important that the parents could hear the words and that the kids felt confident than it was to show off their memorization skills.</li>
<li>I chose "Have a Plan" for this month's <i>The Happiest Mom</i> challenge. </li>
</ul>
You see, Brennan and I have just started working through Dave Ramsey's <i>Total Money Makeover</i>. And well, if there's anything that needs a plan, it's finances. We've been working pretty hard for the past couple weeks and so I decided that I'd might as well make it my challenge for this month--have a plan.<br />
<br />
I'm a dreamer. I frequently think about how I want things to turn out--my kids, my body, my marriage, my finances, how I spend my time, etc. But getting those dreams to happen requires planning and, more importantly, follow-through. I would even say that I'm an "okay" planner. Follow through...not so much. I've discovered that what I really need to have a plan, and a good plan at that, is one that works well for me. That's where this whole Dave Ramsey thing came in. A friend lent us the book, it made sense, and it had a plan, right there, for me, that I know works. Ah-ha! <br />
<br />
Obviously "have a plan" doesn't just pertain to finances. Here are some of the other areas of "have a plan" that I'm hoping to adopt more firmly into my life this month.<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>compile and use a family binder</li>
<li>work through some of my <a href="http://singingal-singingal.blogspot.com/2011/11/craft-junkie.html">"craft debt"</a></li>
<li>find a way to make daily scripture study and daily exercise a more consistent part of my life</li>
<li>get me, and Hyrum, onto a more consistent daily routine</li>
</ul>
<div>
Will you join me on my adventure? Do you have plans, or are you in need of a plan? What are some of the areas of "have a plan" that you want to work on this month?</div>
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Happy planning!</div>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7792520621180872664.post-84256011060309856242011-11-14T19:49:00.001-08:002011-12-01T10:22:49.617-08:00Breaking the mould of the label<div>
I'm sure a lot of you have seen a lot of the I'm a Mormon videos on YouTube and <a href="http://mormon.org/">mormon.org</a>. I think what I like the most about the videos (and what is surely the purpose behind the campaign), is that they show that there is no one way to be a Mormon. Outside of basic doctrines, Mormons are about as different from one another as can be, and that's okay. Or at least it should be.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It's no secret that I've built my Mom-denity around the philosophies of attachment parenting. For the most part, I've gladly embraced the label. But sometimes I find myself feeling a little anxious. "Am I holding my baby enough?", "Is our breastfeeding relationship successful enough?", "Should I really enjoy night feedings more than a good night's sleep?", and other questions.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
As I've been thinking more and more about my challenge to "take the easy way out," I realize that I've lost track of what my parenting philosophies really are. I would say that I definitely still fit the bill of the "attachment parenting mama" but from time to time I seem to lose focus as to what attachment parenting is really all about--<i>making choices that bring you closer to your children so you will know how to be the best parent possible for your individual child(ren). </i> </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I love babywearing and bedsharing, breastfeeding and bonding. But maybe it's okay for me to say, "okay, bedsharing was great! Now it's not working for us any more." Or, "babywearing is fantastic but right now, I'd prefer we go for a walk with the stroller rather than the carrier," or whatnot.<br />
<br /></div>
<div>
Whether you're an AP mama or whatever, it's good to remember that we can be who we are, strive to become better and better, and don't have to fit some pre-defined label as to what that should be. Maybe that's just "taking the easy way out," but I'm okay with that.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7792520621180872664.post-18513060406972542882011-11-05T21:10:00.000-07:002011-12-01T10:23:34.100-08:00Sleep...more than training.<div>
I'm sure a lot of you have seen a lot of the I'm a Mormon videos on YouTube and <a href="http://mormon.org/">mormon.org</a>. I think what I like the most about the videos (and what is surely the purpose behind the campaign), is that they show that there is no one way to be a Mormon. Outside of basic doctrines, Mormons are about as different from one another as can be, and that's okay. Or at least it should be.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It's no secret that I've built my Mom-denity around the philosophies of attachment parenting. For the most part, I've gladly embraced the label. But sometimes I find myself feeling a little anxious. "Am I holding my baby enough?", "Is our breastfeeding relationship successful enough?", "Should I really enjoy night feedings more than a good night's sleep?", and other questions.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
As I've been thinking more and more about my challenge to "take the easy way out," I realize that I've lost track of what my parenting philosophies really are. I would say that I definitely still fit the bill of the "attachment parenting mama" but from time to time I seem to lose focus as to what attachment parenting is really all about--<i>making choices that bring you closer to your children so you will know how to be the best parent possible for your individual child(ren). </i> </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I love babywearing and bedsharing, breastfeeding and bonding. But maybe it's okay for me to say, "okay, bedsharing was great! Now it's not working for us any more." Or, "babywearing is fantastic but right now, I'd prefer we go for a walk with the stroller rather than the carrier," or whatnot.<br />
<br /></div>
<div>
Whether you're an AP mama or whatever, it's good to remember that we can be who we are, strive to become better and better, and don't have to fit some pre-defined label as to what that should be. Maybe that's just "taking the easy way out," but I'm okay with that.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7792520621180872664.post-50732083751364480822011-11-02T05:52:00.000-07:002011-12-01T10:23:57.925-08:00Oh child, please sleep!Hyrum's sleep (or lack thereof) has become a bit of an obsession for me these past few weeks. I've waffled back and forth about what to do. One moment all I want to do is hold him and show him that I'm here for him in what is clearly a very hard time for him (sleep regression, teething, a cold--all at once, bleh!) and sometimes I find myself frustrated so I just need five minutes away to collect myself and end up ignoring my little guy's cries for that time. Oh what to do, what to do.<br />
<br />
Yeah, I still don't have the answer but here are a few questions/thoughts I keep having:<br />
<br />
1) A baby cannot manipulate. It's impossible in the first year of life so at least, no matter what I do, I can remember that this isn't a character flaw or anything. I haven't screwed him up and turned him into a pint-sized sociopath.<br />
2) Mommies are important too. This isn't a one-way relationship so it's alright for me to accept help, let my house be a little messy for a while, or even sleep-train if it comes down to that. I'm not selfish for needing some "me" time or needing sleep.<br />
3) Whatever I choose to do, I want to look back on this period of my life without a lot of guilt and without regret.<br />
4) I want to feel close to my little one. Perhaps I need to up the cuddling, holding, babywearing, etc. <br />
5) This really will end some day. No matter what I choose to do, some day my baby will sleep through the night. It really will happen. In fact, there may be a day when I wish I could get him OUT of bed!<br />
6) At the end of the day there is one person, and one person only, that I can control--me. I can't force my kid to sleep but I can control how I react to it. That being said, 4am me is not the same as 4pm me. Just sayin'.<br />
<br />
I know I'm not alone out there. What have some of you mamas done/told yourself during rough patches?<br />
<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7792520621180872664.post-27760985039033340022011-11-01T14:50:00.000-07:002011-12-01T10:24:35.786-08:00Giving me (or rather, YOU) a breakIn my challenge to "take the easy way out," I've thought a lot about my own insecurities as a mom. That feeling of judgement, that desire to be the best mom possible, and the pressure that comes along with it. But here's someone else who needs a break--my fellow moms! I have been a bit, shall we say, outspoken (?) about my dislike of controlled crying or "cry it out." In reality, I still don't really love it. But here's something--I think I've reached the breaking point for me and our current sleep situation and I, yes I, the hater of cry-it-out, have seriously considered it. Thus far I think I've made it a whole five minutes before feeling terrible and going in to rescue my little guy. I'm still not sure I'll actually be able to go through with it, but if nothing else I've learned a great lesson--Thou shalt not judge your fellow moms.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Through all of this I keep thinking about what in the world I'm supposed to learn from this situation. I find myself doubting like crazy (one of the many problems of lack of sleep). I want to be the best mom possible and in my quest I've perhaps gone to a bit of an extreme--not necessarily in my mothering but certainly in my treatment of my fellow mommies.</div>
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And so my friends, here's sending you the break you deserve. May you know how wonderful of a mom you are. May you also know that if you're looking for a break, here it is. Way to go, Mom! And sorry for any negative vibes you sensed from yours truly.</div>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7792520621180872664.post-80362476438946935412011-10-31T20:18:00.000-07:002011-10-31T20:19:22.744-07:00The Happiest Mom Challenge: Take the Easy Way Out<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Being a happy mom is all about being yourself, not what anyone else thinks you should be, and relaxing enough to enjoy your kids and the rest of your life without too much second-guessing...move past the 'shoulds' and guilt, and be the kind of mother you want to be." (Francis 23)</blockquote>
I mentioned in my last post that I planned to blog my way through my "The Happiest Mom" challenge. My plan is to pick one of the secrets to happy motherhood in Meagan Francis's book and find ways to implement it each month. I won't necessarily go in order, but for the first month I thought I would start with her first secret--<i>take the easy way out</i>. <br />
<br />
Now, you're hopefully better at this than me, but when I'm in a group of people (especially women, and above all, other moms), I start to compare myself to them. Suzie makes all of her noodles from scratch, Shari hasn't had sugar in 12 years, Betsy hand makes all of her children's clothes, and Molly never, ever seems to be frazzled. Meanwhile, I sit in my corner thinking about how it has never even occurred to me to make my own noodles, I think I would die without at least a little bit of sugar in my life, I stare at my kiddo's second-hand "made in China" T-shirt, and I'm not sure I showered this morning, and I definitely don't have any make-up on. <br />
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Anyone else ever feel like that? Here's hoping so and hoping not at the same time. In any case, I definitely find myself comparing, feeling overwhelmed, and sometimes even a bit lonely in my apparent "loser Mom" status.<br />
<br />
But then I step back and realize that 1) I can't do everything and 2) I don't even want to do all of those things. I just want to know that I'm a good mom. You would think by now I would just accept the fact that I'm not that bad and move on. But, you know, I get feeling a bit insecure from time to time.<br />
<br />
For example, the last couple of weeks due to teething, vacation, and heaven knows what else, I have had one very nightwaking baby. I don't think there has ever been a time in his life when he has woken up this much. Normally our co-sleeping situation works just fine and everyone is able to get a good night's sleep, but not these past few weeks. And it's really taken a toll on me emotionally.<br />
<br />
In a moment of frustration and fatigue, I shared this experience with a few ladies from church. A couple of them were remarkably sympathetic and gave me a few tips for things that worked for them. Others were a little more forceful in their comments and I just walked away feeling like a terrible mother. I know they meant well but I just didn't feel comfortable with their suggestions and most of all, I just felt like a terrible mom. When I came home, I was near tears as I recounted the details of my conversation to Brennan. For some reason, even though I feel that we've made well-informed and thoughtful decisions regarding our family's sleep situation, I started doubting myself. Not because I thought we had done something wrong, but because I began to worry that we took "the easy way out"--like that was a bad thing--and now I was paying for it.<br />
<br />
As we talked through some of our options Brennan turned to me and he said, "you know, one of the signs that you're a good mom is that you've really thought about this and you really care about it." After some thought (and a nap!) I realized that here was the thing that was most important: everyone got the sleep they needed. It didn't really matter what that looked like and it didn't matter if it was conventional. It didn't matter if I took a nap instead of scrubbing the cupboards. It didn't matter if Hyrum took a nap in my arms while I read a book instead of in his crib. It didn't matter if I went to bed earlier rather than watching (yet another) episode of Arrested Development.<br />
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And so here I am, taking the easy way out. And that's okay. Nobody asked me to be Superwoman, they just asked me to be Mom. I can be Mom with my store-bought noodles or with homemade ones. I can be Mom if my kiddo sleeps all night in the next room or right beside me. I can be Mom with my not-so-designer clothes and half-done make-up. <br />
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Now, as I write this, I don't think the answer is to take "the easy way out" on everything--just put some thought into the things you do that 1) don't make you happy and 2) don't really seem to be benefiting you, your family, or your children. Even though disposables might be easier than cloth, using cloth diapers makes me happy and it helps my family financially. I really like cooking dinner at home every night and it's generally healthier (and much cheaper) than eating out. But I'm fine buying canned beans rather than soaking dried ones, and I'm fine using disposable wipes rather than cloth ones (though I tried that bandwagon...just wasn't for me). I think we just need to find where to draw the line so that life as a mom (and in general) is, well, happy!<br />
<br />
This month I'm going to look for ways that I can move past the guilt, the 'shoulds,' and take the easy way out. Anyone want to join me in this challenge? Are there things that you do "the easy way" that help to make you happy? I'd love to hear!Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7792520621180872664.post-27901149956886245172011-10-20T22:30:00.000-07:002011-10-20T22:30:51.461-07:00Book Review: The Happiest Mom<a href="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51oHRT6B51L._SL500_AA300_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51oHRT6B51L._SL500_AA300_.jpg" width="200" /></a>I've been following <a href="http://thehappiestmom.com/">The Happiest Mom</a> blog for a few months now. Meagan Francis has 5 children, and while many moms with a large number of children may find themselves lost in the hustle and bustle of taxi driving and soccer games, Francis seems to have found herself. While she is not a member of my faith, I feel that she is the epitome of someone who has found nobility in motherhood and joy in womanhood. When I found out that she published a book with Parenting Magazine under the same name as her blog, I knew I had to get my hands on it.<br />
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Other than Dr. Sears's <i>The Baby Book</i>, I wish I had read this, and only this, book before becoming a mom. Here's why: So many baby books out there prescribe a set of rules and formulas, but Francis shares practical advice that will help to fill your confidence in yourself rather than questioning. Here's the premise: Happy moms have happy children. If you want the best for your kids, learn to be kind to yourself. <br />
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<i>The Happiest Mom: 10 Secrets to Enjoying Motherhood</i> is chalked full of practical advice and stories from a mom who has been there, done that. Her off-the-cuff humor had me chuckling, both in recognition and in anticipation for the great stories of motherhood to come. While her book is definitely aimed at mothers, her tips for enjoying motherhood are really tips for enjoying life--whether you're a mother or not.<br />
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Whether you're looking for ways to deal with busy-body moms in your playgroup, a messy kitchen that is getting under your skin, or feeling overwhelmed by all of your to-do list items, Francis has some pointers that will help just about any one. Best part? You'll feel good about yourself with every page. This ain't no "you're not doing good enough" book because, well, the message is about being happy, and guilt and happiness do not mix. Also, the book itself is beautiful. Colorful, doodle-full, and side-bar-full, you'll enjoy more than the words on the page. You'll enjoy just looking at it. If you're already a happy mom, <i>The Happiest Mom</i> will provide that pick-me-up on the hard days or at least lend a laugh in the meantime. <br />
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I actually liked this book so much that I've decided I would focus on implementing one of her secrets each month. Stay tuned!<br />
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<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7792520621180872664.post-13854843489059887712011-10-19T22:35:00.000-07:002011-10-19T22:36:51.200-07:00Blog titleSo, I changed my blog title...again. I started out calling it "Posting about Parenting" because that's what I was doing--posting my thoughts about my adventure in parenting. And then I figured that put a little too much pressure on me. I'm no expert, I'm just me and this is my adventure. Then I changed the title to "One Happy Mommy" because I wanted to make it clear that this way <em>my</em> adventure and I'm just <em>one</em> happy mommy. Again, too much pressure. I felt like people just assumed that I was saying this was the one way to be a happy mommy. And so I've changed the title again. I hope I haven't caused too much confusion in the world....yeah, not like many people read this thing anyway. Go back to your lives that are more important than my blog title.Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7792520621180872664.post-76123757233469334742011-10-15T13:50:00.000-07:002011-10-15T13:50:16.708-07:00New mommy sleep updatesThe number one way to spot a new mommy is to read her Facebook statuses because they'll inevitably say something about sleep. <i>_________ slept ____hours last night! </i>seems to permeate my Facebook feed every time one of my friends has a new baby. I know I definitely had such updates and I would guess that roughly 95% of my new mommy friends on Facebook have done the same. Each time I read one of these updates I tend to get a little frustrated--not because of the excitement or because I think that sleep is unimportant, but because I think it says something about how we judge the worth of a parent. <div>
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New moms want to feel validated. Those first couple months after the birth of a baby are a very vulnerable time for new parents. Just about everyone--stranger, friend, or foe--has a piece of advice for you. When a lot of it conflicts, especially with your own personal beliefs, it may cause frustration, feelings of inadequacy and even depression. Even though my baby is well beyond the newborn stage I <i>still </i>have random strangers ask me how my baby sleeps. Why does it matter that much to everyone? Why do I never seem to get questions like, "How are you enjoying your time as a mother?", "How is your bond with your baby?", or even "do you feel well-rested?"</div>
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I'm not saying that the issue of sleep should never be discussed, I just wish it didn't seem to be the <i>only </i>thing that was discussed in new mommy circles, mostly because I don't think it's a question that leaves most new moms feeling any better. Here are the facts: Babies are terrible sleepers and unless sleep is forced upon them, most will continue waking at least 1-2 times a night throughout the first year.</div>
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Maybe it's silly that I feel passionate about this, but after sitting in my La Leche League meeting last week I found there were too many mothers who felt terrible about themselves because their baby wasn't sleeping through the night. These feelings weren't borne from fatigue or exhaustion--they were borne of feelings of inadequacy. Personally, I just don't think that's fair. Instead of berating and belittling the mother who responds time and time again to her child's needs, why don't we celebrate that? Why do we not celebrate self-sacrifice, when that sacrifice is willingly made? I know that for me, my questions will change. I think there needs to be a little more rallying, some more offers to help, and many more encouraging words. Goodness knows, a new mom needs kind words even more than she needs 8 straight hours of sleep.</div>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7792520621180872664.post-36135321206325985772011-09-25T09:59:00.000-07:002011-09-25T09:59:56.036-07:00Less internet = happier momAs many of you can probably tell, I get a little passionate from time to time about a few issues. It's fine to be passionate, at least in my mind. But, sometimes I let my passion slide over into judgement. I don't really like that about myself. I've really been struggling for a few months now to find a way to still feel passionate about things that feel right or wrong to me without slipping into "that mom" that I don't want to be. After some prayer, some thinking, and some good conversations, I feel that I'm getting closer to where I want to be. But if I were to list the one single thing that has made the biggest difference it would be spending less time online.<br />
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I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with being online. I think a lot of good things come from the internet and I definitely still enjoy me some Facebook and blogging time. But I have found that spending less time reading other people's inflamed blog posts or status updates helps me to feel a little less inflamed. Perhaps reading about other people's passions (whether they align with mine or not) just throws flames on my smouldering embers. Or perhaps I just get to live in my own little world where I don't know what other people are doing as much, so I can live more comfortably without worrying that I'm being judged. Or, really, maybe just blogging less means that I don't structure arguments in my head as much. Whatever it is, I just feel a lot better about it. <br />
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Now, don't get me wrong, I still feel a lot of passion about things. Just today I commented on and concurred with a friend's anti-Babywise Facebook status with gusto. But instead of feeling a huge vindictive surge against everyone and anything that upholds said book, I tried to talk about my feelings regarding the ideas in said book without passing judgement on those who have chosen to follow it. I hope I was successful in my intentions.<br />
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In any case, I've really found that less internet = less judgemental = happier mom. What this probably means in practical terms for this blog is that I'll be posting less. But for now, that just feels like the right thing for me.<br />
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Whether it's internet, TV, or something else, do you find that you have things that affect your mood as a mom (or dad)?Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7792520621180872664.post-87269210311799073712011-08-30T18:47:00.000-07:002011-08-30T19:11:24.334-07:00Getting unplugged and tuned inWe've had a few problems with electronics in our home recently. My personal laptop is having major problems connecting to the internet, Brennan's old laptop is a dinosaur waiting to kill over and is currently donning a space bar that refuses to work half of the time, and I mistakenly let Hyrum play with our cell phone the other day and later found it in a pool of water. Ugh. One thing after another. (P.S. Tried putting it in rice with minimal success...any other ideas?)<div>
<br /></div><div>But, there is a very large silver lining in all of that--I haven't been online as much lately and when I am, it's with a purpose. I don't think there's anything wrong with being on Facebook, cruising blogs, or hitting the refresh button in Gmail over and over and over...and over again. However, I've definitely found myself in a little bit of a quandary: I never seemed to be getting anything done. The house was generally messier than I would like, the dinners less nutritious and less delicious than intended, and all of those craft projects I had were lying idly by. But by golly, I knew what was happening with that second cousin's best friend in Bangkok. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>Obviously I'm still online--publishing this blog post has proven that. But after the last week and a half of being a little more unplugged, I find myself being much more purposeful while perusing the internet. I have a few blogs I really like to follow, I check my email, I read through my Facebook newsfeed and then jump offline and spend time doing something else. It's amazing what I can get done when my attention isn't divided between the babe and the wedding pictures posted on Facebook, the soup I was trying to cook on the stove and the random blog I just came across, and that load of laundry that never seems to get folded and a NY Times article published 5 months ago. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>In any case, I think I like this new life. I like what it does to me as a mom, a wife, a homemaker, and an individual. It helps me to realize that my online life is just that--its own life. It's fine for it to come out and play from time to time but perhaps my online life can become more of an acquaintance than a hands-all-over-each-other romantic relationship.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>Do you find there are things in your life that are bringing you down or distracting you from things you find more important? How do you deal with those things?</div>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7792520621180872664.post-40170243462674659562011-08-29T20:37:00.000-07:002011-08-30T19:19:15.363-07:00I am grateful for todayA number of you may the family I am referring to in this post. I know their struggles and trials have been on my mind a lot lately, almost constantly.
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<br />One of my dear friends just had her baby a few days ago. From what I have been able to ascertain, labor and delivery all went very smoothly after an uncomplicated pregnancy. However, her baby had some unknown complications that have resulted in him being rushed to the NICU. I know that his condition is currently stable but very serious and they do not know when they will be able to bring him home with them.
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<br />I have become very good friends with this wonderful young woman, especially since our move to Calgary. She has inspired me in my journey as a mother, been a support in times of need, and has overall been a very dear friend though we live quite a distance apart. There's something remarkably painful about watching others in pain. My heart overflows with love for them and yet I feel so helpless. I'm sure they feel much the same way.
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<br />As I have watched for updates one Facebook status at a time, I am compelled to hug my son more frequently, treasure our days even more, and kiss him as much as possible. It has reminded me of that which is the most important part of parenting--our love and devotion to our families. Perhaps this is morbid, but a lot of my decisions in mothering have resulted from this one thought, "If today/tonight was our last day/night together, how would I want us to remember it?" I've found amazing strength and support from that little question.
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<br />And so my prayers will continue to plead--beg--for comfort, health and strength for this little family. While I may not be able to put my arms around this new mother, father and tiny baby; I will put my arms around my own little family. I hope in some way that will make a difference.
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<br />I thank the Lord for my family. I thank Him that we are well. I thank Him for today.
<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7792520621180872664.post-1179243339091388402011-08-25T14:42:00.001-07:002011-08-25T15:24:12.969-07:00Baby #2Made ya look!<div>
<br /></div><div>Okay, in all seriousness now.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>While I was pregnant with babe #1, I was already talking about when we could/would/should have babe #2. You see, I'm a little older than I planned to be when beginning this whole childbearing thing. Those of you who knew me in my adolescent years probably remember the days of the plan for 14 children--all of whom would be donning handmade clothing and would be homeschooled on our ranch in Montana. And, well, then I married an accountant, not a rancher. And then we had baby #1 at age 26 rather than 20 and I finally got over the delusions of being able to make all (or even much) of my kiddos clothing. But I still had plans for a semi-big family. Probably not 14 or anything, but you know, 6 or 7...or 8. And, maybe that's still in the works. Only time will tell.
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<br /></div><div>And so we agreed that around 9 months old we could start trying for baby #2. That was as low as I could get the hubby to go. He had the attitude of, "well, we'll see what happens and how we feel. Let's take this child thing one at a time." I was like, "if I am going to have all of the kiddos we can/want/should have then we've gotta get a move on!!!" If you can't tell, the hubby is a little more easy going than I am. I'm a little more, shall we say, tightly wound? An over-scheduler? Nutty? We'll go with that. Nutty. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>Here's how nutty I was. Baby #1 is two weeks old and I'm already talking about having Baby #2. I blame the hormones. Here I am, sore as all get-out, having gotten about zero hours of sleep in the last two weeks, and the last time I had a shower was....well, I probably couldn't remember. And I was already talking about Baby #2. Yeah, gotta be those hormones.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>But here we are, only a little over a month away from the agreed upon 9 month mark and I've dropped the mayhem and begging for baby #2. A lot of is because I want a VBAC something fierce and from everything I've read and researched, 24 months between pregnancies seems the minimal length for a best shot...well, and for some providers to even consider you for one. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>At first this really got me down because it meant that I might not have the opportunity to 1) have as many children as I wanted and 2) have another little newborn in my arms as soon as I want it (anyone have a newborn I can hold? Do you ship to Canada? I'll pay the international fees!). I felt a little sorry for myself for a while. It just didn't seem fair!</div><div>
<br /></div><div>Then I got to thinking of all of the really great things that come from waiting a little longer: Perhaps baby #1 will no longer be in diapers anymore. Perhaps he'll become my little helper who can open doors and at least put away his own shoes. Perhaps he'll be able to communicate on a semi-decent level and there will be some reciprocal conversation in my life during waking hours.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>But here was the biggest selling point for me: Baby #1 will get his baby time. Now, I know there are some incredible women out there who can divide their time and their attention (and be pleasant during their pregnancies) to ensure that happens. I happen to be friends with a number of these incredible women. But I'm coming to the realization that I just don't think I'm one of those people. At least not yet. And so Baby #1 will get his time to be the nursling, his time to cuddle in bed, his time to get all of the grandma hugs when we visit. I don't think that mommies have to really "divide" their time, but I do think things get trickier.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>And so I look back on that 9-month agreement (funny how I didn't even consider that my mommy's-milk-loving-baby would put the cork on that idea) and remind myself that what matters most is the quality of our relationships, not the quantity. If we can have both quality and quantity then <i><b>great</b></i>! If not, well, that's fine too. We'll work for quality in the meantime. I firmly believe that all things happen for a reason and that our Heavenly Father has provided a way that we can be happy, whether or not it aligns with our previously held notions of happiness. And sometimes, especially then.</div><div>
<br /></div>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7792520621180872664.post-62451780373605068602011-08-23T19:49:00.000-07:002011-08-23T21:49:31.741-07:00Why all the talk about co-sleeping<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> <w:lidthemeother>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:lidthemeasian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:lidthemecomplexscript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> <w:splitpgbreakandparamark/> <w:dontvertaligncellwithsp/> <w:dontbreakconstrainedforcedtables/> <w:dontvertalignintxbx/> 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mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal">I read this quote today and I think it captured a lot of the feelings I’ve tried, at times unsuccessfully, to portray on this blog.</p> <p style="text-align: left;" class="MsoNormal"></p><blockquote>“I don’t begrudge Ferber the right to preach Ferberization or parents who prefer sleeping sans child the right to practice it.<span style=""> </span>Live and let live.<span style=""> </span>What’s annoying is the refusal of Ferber and other experts to reciprocate my magnanimity.<span style=""> </span>They act as if parents like me are derelict, as if children <i>need</i> to fall asleep in a room alone.”—Robert Wright, <i>Time</i> magazine</blockquote><p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I know I’ve talked a lot about co-sleeping on this blog and I have perhaps given the impression that it’s the <span style="font-style: italic;">only </span>way to go.<span style=""> </span>Truth is, I think it’s much better for a family to sleep happily apart than to sleep unhappily together.<span style=""> </span>I truly do not mean to be pushy about the subject.<span style=""> </span>If solitary sleeping is working well for you, then by all means, continue.<span style="">
<br /></span></p><span>So, why do I talk about it so much?</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span> <p class="MsoNormal">There are so many negative things written and said about co-sleeping.<span style=""> </span>Of all of the decisions that we have made as a family, it’s the one that gets the most flack and I just don’t think that’s fair.<span style=""> </span>In being a co-sleeping mom I’m accused of putting my baby at risk of suffocation, neglecting my sexual relationship with my husband, causing sleep problems, creating an unhealthy co-dependence between mother and child, and some even go so far as to say that I’m somehow sexually abusing my child <span style=""> </span>simply by having him in my proximity while we sleep.<span style=""> </span>At least in my experience, none of this can possibly true.<span style=""> </span>I’ve taken great precautions to make our bed a safe place for the baby; found ways to continue sexual intimacies with my husband; prevented a whole host of sleep problems by modeling how sleep is a pleasant thing to enter, stay in, and exit; and I feel I’ve created an environment in which my children will grow up with an intact sense of self and others around them rather than a dependence on material objects.<span style=""> </span>As for the accusation about inappropriate sexual behavior, my thought is that something has gone wrong in our society where people do not get the love and touch they need in appropriate ways and in turn, seek for it in inappropriate ones.<span style=""> </span>In no way do I believe appropriate co-sleeping can or will cause inappropriate behavior later in life.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">In any case, can you see why I get a little excited about talking about its merits?<span style=""> </span>There is so much negative stuff out there and I feel that if I can change even one person’s mind about the practice, whether or not they choose to do so in their family, then I feel I’ve made life a little easier for the other co-sleeping families out there.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">There’s also a part of me that wants to say, “It’s okay if you want to do it.”<span style=""> </span>Before and right after Hyrum was born, I was so terrified of letting him into our bed for the reasons I stated above.<span style=""> </span>I loved holding him and feeling him near me, and what’s not natural about that?<span style=""> </span>You’ve shared a body with this little person for his entire existence.<span style=""> </span>I think it’s only natural and intuitive to want to keep them near you at the time when they’re most vulnerable—in a state of sleep.<span style=""> </span>And yet I was terrified. I was terrified because I had read these words in the self-purported book of infant care:</p> <p class="MsoNormal"></p><blockquote>“It is common for children in third-world countries to sleep in the same bed with their parents…poverty forces the sleeping arrangement…The family bed is unsafe….Sleeping with your baby creates needs but doesn’t fulfill them...There is not a single benefit gained that can possibly outweigh the risks.”—Ezzo and Bucknam (223-25).</blockquote><p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Those are some pretty strong words--and I, somehow, believed them. And so, I dutifully put Hyrum in his cradle every night and after a few weeks, moved him to his own room.<span style=""> </span>I did so because I thought, as the authors seem to suggest, that here in America we’re above co-sleeping.<span style=""> </span>Here we know that it is unsafe.<span style=""> </span>Here we know that only bad things can come of it.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">And then I stumbled upon co-sleeping by sheer accident after my husband brought my baby to me one time in the middle of the night to feed.<span style=""> </span>From my memory it was during those ridiculous few weeks in grad school where I had a 15-page paper due in my pedagogy class, my graduate recital to give, my theatre comps, two rounds of grad orals, and my recital paper due one right after the other—all with a newborn.<span style=""> </span>There was no rest for this weary mommy.<span style=""> </span>That night, before I could even get myself ready to feed him, my baby had fallen back asleep.<span style=""> </span>He just wanted his mommy. He didn’t need to eat, he just wanted physical contact and touch.<span style=""> </span>In my exhaustion, I fell asleep with him in the crook of my arm and didn’t awake until Brennan found me asleep in this state and asked if he should take Hyrum back to his crib for me.<span style=""> </span>I was reluctant because it felt so pleasant, but I said yes because that’s what I was supposed to do.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Over the next few weeks I thought to myself, “hmmm…I don’t think I would have rolled over on to him.”<span style=""> </span>After having him there with me and noticing how natural it felt, it just seemed like a ridiculous claim.<span style=""> </span>Upon further investigation, I realized my gut instinct on that one was right.<span style=""> </span>Breastfeeding moms don’t roll over on their babies unless there is something altering their judgment—drugs, smoking, medical sedation, or extreme exhaustion—as long as they have taken proper safety precautions to make their sleeping environment suitable for their babies.<span style=""> </span>I also learned that in countries where breastfeeding and co-sleeping are the norm, overlaying is unheard of and SIDS is a pure anomaly. In fact, natural birthing pioneer Dr. Michel Odent, upon his visit to China in 1977, inquired as to the number of incidents of "cot death" (SIDS) in China. He reported:</p><p class="MsoNormal">"Nobody understood my questions; the conept o sudden infant death or cot death was apparently unknown amonth professionals and lay people in such different places as Peking, Hsian, Loyang, Nanking, Shanghai, and Canton. Furthermore I learned that Chinese babies sleep with their mothers, even in the most westernized families, such as the families of interpreters. Ever since then I have held the view that, even if it happens during the day, cot death is a disease of babies who spend their nights in an atmosphere of loneliness and that cot death is a disease of societies where the nuclear family [rather than the extended family] has taken over."
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><p class="MsoNormal">And so I started questioning what I had read and heard.<span style=""> </span>When I shared my discovery with people, I almost always received negative criticism.<span style=""> </span>Hardly anyone told me to go with my gut on this one.<span style=""> </span>Even people who believed that the standard claims were incorrect would instill fear by saying, “You’ll never be able to move him out” or “you’ll need to break that habit now rather than later.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I’ve concluded that we live in a culture afraid of weaning—at least from some things.<span style=""> </span>From pacifiers, to breastfeeding, to co-sleeping—we spend so much time worrying about how we’ll stop that we don’t enjoy it while it’s there. <span style=""> </span>I wonder how many people don’t make changes in their lives—from quitting smoking to better health—simply because they’re afraid of the weaning process. However, we put children in diapers knowing full-well that they’ll potty-train someday and few mothers are afraid of weaning their child off of infant formula.<span style=""> </span>As with all things, children wean from the family bed when they, and their parents, are ready.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">In any case, I hope I don’t come across as overbearing in my praising of co-sleeping.<span style=""> </span>My intention isn’t to convert, simply to explore the option.<span style=""> </span>And if there’s anyone out there looking for permission, I hope they find it here.<span style=""> </span>It’s okay to co-sleep, it’s okay not to co-sleep.<span style=""> </span>It’s okay to breastfeed, it’s okay not to breastfeed.<span style=""> </span>It’s okay to cry-it-out, it’s okay to not cry-it-out.<span style=""> </span>Everything has its pros and its cons so I hope the mud slaying stops her—and that goes for me too.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">.</p> Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7792520621180872664.post-81780201250244432282011-08-20T20:01:00.000-07:002011-08-20T20:30:10.157-07:00How breastfeeding changed my lifeI was chatting with my friend Kim the other day, another young mom in our ward who shares a lot of the same thoughts and philosophies I do. Truth be told, Kim is kind of one of my heroes. Natural-eating, co-sleeping, home birth mama with a beautiful bond and attachment to her baby girl. She shared with me some of her struggles with breastfeeding in the early months of her baby's life. As she told me some of the things that she had to do to continue breastfeeding I thought, "Goodness, I wonder if I would have gone through all of the trouble."
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<br />I absolutely love breastfeeding. I love how <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Hyrum</span> will snuggle in. I love how it calms him when he's upset. I love how he gets so excited for our nursing sessions. I even love how rambunctious he's getting when he nurses. It just reminds me of how the breastfeeding relationship is constantly developing, constantly changing. In the early days you wonder if you'll ever move from the chair and then suddenly one day your nursing sessions are down to 5-10 minutes. They go from being cuddly to kicky, from lying to sitting. I just think it's amazing to watch the relationship mirror the baby's learning and growing.
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<br />And yet I think back to my early days of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Hyrum's</span> life. I'm pretty sure if it had been much of a struggle I would have thrown in the towel. I just wasn't committed enough. Truth be told, I was terrified of breastfeeding. Not on a philosophical level, just terrified that I wouldn't be able to figure it out. Thankfully, breastfeeding was not one of those things that came with difficulty for <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Hyrum</span> and me. I thank Heavenly Father for that blessing because honestly, breastfeeding has changed my life.
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<br />Because I loved breastfeeding so much and it felt so natural, I began questioning some of the things I had read/learned/heard/thought about infant care. Because breastfeeding came easily, I transitioned from wanting to schedule feed to demand feed. Because I started feeding on demand, I found breastfeeding to be more than just food but also a time of comfort and cuddles for both my baby and mommy. Because breastfeeding was established, I desired to learn about other natural ways of living, including birthing. Because I breastfed and wanted to make my life a little easier, I moved our baby from the crib to our bed. Because I moved him to our bed, my husband and I have had some wonderful bonding moments as a whole family. Because I wanted my breastfed baby to grow up healthy and strong, I started taking better care of my own body. Because I wanted to take better care of my body I started eating healthy foods and exercising. Because I eat healthy foods and exercise, I have more energy and find greater enjoyment in my life. Because I love breastfeeding so much, I joined a La <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Leche</span> League and met many wonderful mothers who live in my city. Because I met other moms, Calgary is starting to feel more and more like home. Because it feels more and more like home, I feel happy. '
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<br />And so now I realize that Heavenly Father provided me with a beautiful gift. If, for me, breastfeeding had been quite difficult in the beginning, I probably would have given up. But, if I had given up, I wonder how different my life would be today. I really like my life just as it is now. A number of things have changed, a lot have stayed the same, but I like the changes. I like how breastfeeding has changed my life.
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<br />How has breastfeeding affected your life?
<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7792520621180872664.post-18421480123433333182011-08-18T07:05:00.000-07:002011-08-18T08:40:24.439-07:00Teaching independenceI've made good friends with a couple of women here in Calgary. One of them is my upstairs neighbor who also has a baby boy who's about 2 months older than Hyrum. We got chatting yesterday about independence while we were on our walk. She also has her son in her room. She recently moved him from their bed to a mattress on the floor and has been having a lot of success with that. But a few friends were really pushing her to not give up on the crib. She decided it wasn't worth it for her. But then there's all that talk about independence. So, we got to thinking, how do you teach it and how do you gain it?<div>
<br /></div><div>Lots of people talk about instilling independence in your children--leaving them to play by themselves or having a separate sleeping space. But, here are my personal thoughts on independence---it can't be pushed. I personally don't think it's independence if there wasn't any choice involved in it. It's just the way life is. So, how do you encourage without forcing?</div><div>
<br /></div><div>I thought of ways that my parents taught me independence. Since my memory doesn't serve me very well in infanthood, I think mostly about my teenage years. Partially from tight finances and partially from wanting to teach me responsibility, my parents told me that if I wanted things--new school clothes, a driver's license, insurance, etc.--then I needed to have a job. Thus began a great career at Little Caesar's Pizza (har har). My parents also had me pay for my own college education. There were a few times when they would spot me $20 here or there, but for the most part, I payed for it (or at least mortgaged my future...)</div><div>
<br /></div><div>But since I don't have a teenager, I have an infant, I wonder what sorts of ways I can help encourage independence and responsibility at a young age. One of the ways we've come up with is letting him feed himself. If he doesn't want to eat, he doesn't have to. If he wants to, we provide the food but he does the feeding. My plan for separate sleeping spaces is that when he wants it, we'll provide the means and some gentle encouragement to stay in his own bed. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>What are some ways you've found to encourage independence in your youngsters?</div>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7792520621180872664.post-19617518301526487872011-08-17T22:26:00.000-07:002011-08-17T22:51:50.575-07:00Sending "good" vibesI often think about dropping this blog all together. I mean, I like blogging...actually, maybe love it. But, there is so much negative stuff out there and I don't want to be one of those people contributing to it. I've realized it's incredibly hard to critique something without it being internalized as a personal attack. I honestly, truly, hope that while I may vehemently disagree with a method or philosophy, I do not want anyone, especially those that I love, to walk away feeling as if I somehow disapprove of them personally. I haven't found a consistently good way of communicating that, but please know that the intent is there.<div>
<br /></div><div>At the end of the day, here's what I wish. Of course I wish everyone out there thought the same way I did. It would make life a lot easier and selfishly, I'm tired of feeling like others think I'm a "bad" mom or a "weird" mom. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>When I was living in Utah it was a lot easier to get together with other moms and talk about our thoughts on childrearing. I didn't feel any need to write then. I had my support team right there.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>Then I moved far from home, far from friends, and far from any life that I knew. Fact is, it gets kinda lonely and my brain gets a racin'. I can't go over to those friends' homes anymore and just talk. The hubby is incredibly busy at work and comes home very late in the evening, completely exhausted, and after a quick kiss goodnight, we both hit the sack without much conversation beyond "how did today go? Oh good, you survived. Here's to another one..." Not much time to sit down and discuss the ins and outs of our thoughts and feelings. It will get better soon (September 15th, you need to come NOW! I feel like I'm waiting for my due date all over again...) but in the meantime, I blog. You know how your partner is usually the person you vent to and keeps you sane? Mine should reappear after the tax deadline. I hate tax season.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>Anyway, enough of the griping and complaining already! Here's my overall point, please realize that when I blog, I'm coming from a place where I'm still conversing, still figuring out exactly what it is that I actually think. Some of my thoughts are well thought-out, others are some rant that I'm currently feeling the need to get off my chest. However, I love the discussion we have here either way. If I seem illogical, please call me out on it. But please also know that I don't necessarily think that I'm being logical. I'm just writing. And writing. And then thinking later.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>But no matter what, know that I don't ever want anyone walking away from this blog thinking they're "bad." Gosh, there is nothing less productive in this world than making someone feel awful about themselves. Do I wish everyone who read my posts agreed with them? Sure! Do I wish people would walk away thinking, "now that Amy, she's got some great ideas." Definitely! But here's what I don't want, "Golly, she must think I'm a bad parent." No way, Jose! (thanks Michelle Tanner) Do I necessarily agree with you? Maybe not. But by Jove, I hope everyone feels empowered to do what is best for them and their families. Do I wish no one ever cried-it-out again or that everyone loved babywearing? You betcha! Are you a "bad" mom (or dad) if you do, or don't do (respectively), those things? Not at all.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>Here's to sending some "good" vibes. Goodness knows there are enough bad ones out there. Let's not make this place one of them.</div><div>
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<br /></div></div>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7792520621180872664.post-9609284304426944192011-08-17T07:15:00.000-07:002011-08-17T09:24:58.008-07:00Sex and co-sleeping<div>I'm not really going to give a lengthy response to the issue of sexual intimacy and co-sleeping. I think this sums up all of my thoughts pretty well.</div><div>
<br /></div><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8CrCRVnjPLM/TkvNwSPVN2I/AAAAAAAAA7w/GXuUJ8M92es/s1600/cosleepers%2Bdo%2Bit%2Bin%2Bthe%2Bkitchen.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8CrCRVnjPLM/TkvNwSPVN2I/AAAAAAAAA7w/GXuUJ8M92es/s320/cosleepers%2Bdo%2Bit%2Bin%2Bthe%2Bkitchen.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641829187625236322" /></a>
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<br /></div>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057320365645931085noreply@blogger.com0